Church: Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia | Text: 1 Corinthians 7 | Date: August 1, 2010 | Speaker: Fred Zaspel

Hope your Bible is open again to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. I am sure, by the way, that I will have an answer for all of your questions. That answer just might be: see Pastor Greg. 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Continuing our look now at the instruction concerning the Christian home.

Remember last time we backed up away from 1 Corinthians; we went to the book of Genesis to look at instruction there concerning the creation of the first home—instruction we gain from that. Every time I preach on the subject of the home, I think of my favorite comic that we have at home. It is a picture of a minister in the car driving home after church with his wife. And he says to his wife, “Honey, my sermons on the home would be much more effective if in the middle of it you didn’t sit there and say, ‘Ha!'”

But then this passage, and we will be looking this morning to verses one through nine, is one of those passages where the preacher can preach from it and be assured that no one will be moving or coughing or anything, because it deals with a very delicate subject of physical relations in marriage and no one wants to draw attention to themselves during this exposition. But this is the subject of this passage, and we learn here what an intensely practical letter this is that Paul has written. Let’s look again at verses 1 through 9:

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to marry.” But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am, but each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Let’s look to the Lord in prayer. Our Father, Your Word is practical. It meets us at every point of our lives. We ask that You will help us this morning to that end. We have seen recently many times over how Your Word has been given to us to restore us to the life that pleases You. We ask particularly today, in reference to our homes and marriage relationships, that You will help us in that regard to the honor of our Lord Jesus Christ. We pray in His name. Amen.

Corinth, as is well known, was Paul’s problem church. We can only wonder what problems he had in other churches. We see some hints of it here and there. But it’s Corinth in particular that he writes to in order to deal with one problem after another that was plaguing the church to one extent or another. And so he deals with church fusses and divisions. He deals with the problem of one member of the church, as we saw, in incest. Lack of church discipline was another problem. Litigation is another problem. Fornication—sexual immorality—is another problem.

And now today we come to an issue that had arisen in the church, and we’re not given the background to it. We don’t know exactly why this problem had come up, but this issue regarding sexual relations in reference both to the single Christian and also to those who are married. And so we’ve seen how really up-to-date this letter is in so many ways. And we will see this again this morning. There are basically three points that Paul pursues through this passage.

Celibacy Or Sexual Abstinence Is Good

We see that in verse one: “Now, for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to marry.” Those of you who have the older King James Version, it translates more literally: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” That is a euphemism for the physical relations in marriage. The New International Version that we have here paraphrases that in taking into consideration that euphemism. And it does it well: “It is good for a man not to marry.”

Now, Paul restates this point several times throughout his discussion in this chapter. His point is that remaining single is good. His point is not that remaining single is more holy. He stresses that at several points throughout this passage as well. Marrying, after all, is the norm that was given by God at creation. You remember we saw that last week: “It is not good for a man to be alone.” And it is God who established the marriage relationship. It’s God who gave it to us for our fulfillment and pleasure in finding companionship with our other soulmate.

But there may be other considerations; there may be other circumstances that come along. We find that in chapter 7, verses 26 and following. Because of the “present distress,” for example, it might be good for a person to remain single. In the following verses he explains, as we’ve read, it may be good to remain single in order to pursue service for God with less interruption. All of that is a good thing. It is not to say that singleness is to be preferred in terms of its being more holy or anything like that, but each has its own advantages.

And so his point here is simply that remaining single, and therefore physical abstinence and physical relations, is good. Again, we don’t know why he should have to make this point, but something was going on in the background here. Perhaps some were playing Cupid too much in the church: “You’ve got to get married. You’ve got to get married.” And Paul is sensing that pressure, and so he’s answering that. But Paul weighs in on the matter here with the pronouncement that remaining single is good, and in some cases, at least, it is to be preferred. That, however, is not the point that he stresses through the passage.

Remaining Single Has Its Own Dangers

The second point, then, is the one that he works over here at more length, and that is that although remaining single is good, remaining single has its own dangers. And one of them is sexual purity. Verse 2: “It’s good for a man not to marry, but since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Now, the point here is, again as the King James translates, in order to avoid immorality, let a man marry a woman and the woman marry a man.

Now, he’s hardly saying here that this is the only reason for marriage. He’s not even saying this is the primary reason for marriage. Marriage has other purposes involved, like companionship. It has the purposes of procreation—to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and all of that. There are other purposes in marriage that Paul deals with elsewhere and that other biblical writers deal with as well. But this is one factor and one consideration entering into the question of: “Should I marry or should I not?” And Paul weighs in on it, and he’s simply saying that the sexual pressure that is going to come on a single person is a very practical and worthwhile consideration.

And so, if you are not given this gift of celibacy, he says, then marry. And so, in order to avoid immorality, a man should marry and a woman should marry as well. He speaks in verse 7 in terms of the gifts that are given in varying ways to varying people. God, we might say today, wires certain people in certain ways and other people in other ways. And some people, because of the way God has wired them—or to use the better term here, the way God has gifted them—they are content in singleness. But because of the way He has not gifted others, and so many others in that respect, they should marry. And so Paul says, for example, in verse 9 at the end, “it is better to marry than to burn.” And he deals with that in verses 17 and following as well. We should see contentment in the condition that we are in. However, we should not think that to marry is somehow a step down, although there have been plenty who have thought so.

Notice, by the way, here that the command is sexual abstinence outside of marriage. No matter what the societal norms may be—and in Paul’s day it was even more wicked than in our day, if you can imagine it—but in a society completely given over to sexual immorality, Paul still lays down this rule: that the rule is sexual abstinence apart from marriage. And yes, the Bible does view sexual sin with a particular kind of seriousness. We saw that back in chapter 6, you remember, verses 15 and following, because this involves Christ in a sense. In another sense, this sex act is a spiritual act. It involves deep levels of communion of soul and spirit as well as body. And in their society, like ours, they are pressured in that regard to physical relations. And Paul still lays down this rule; because of all that it is, because of all that it entails, it is to be reserved only for the marriage bed. And so Paul says in verse 2, then, it is an entirely legitimate consideration for the single man or woman Christian to say, “Well, I do not have this gift of celibacy; I will look to marry.” And he says it again in verse 9.

Celibacy Or Sexual Abstinence Within Marriage Is Wrong

Now then, beginning with verse 3, he elaborates on his third point, and that is that celibacy—or we may say sexual abstinence—within marriage is wrong. So he said that celibacy is good, celibacy has its dangers, and now celibacy or sexual abstinence in marriage is wrong. Verses 3 through 6 again. Follow his thinking:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Now notice how he speaks in verse 3: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife.” Very literally here, it is something like: the husband should pay the debt to his wife. That is, it is assumed that in a marriage relationship there will be physical relations. And he says this is an obligation that you take on when you say, “I do.” And it’s an obligation that you are obliged to. So he says, “Husband, pay the debt; perform this duty for your wife. And wife, perform the duty for the husband.” And that’s why in verse 5 he uses the term that he does: “do not deprive.” Literally, it’s something like, “do not defraud one another in this regard.” That is, it is expected when you marry that this would be part of the marriage relationship and it should not be withheld. It should not be stolen from the other person, as it were. So to ignore this part of the marriage relationship, he says, is very wrong.

Now, again, we’re not sure why this had become a problem in the Corinthian church. Maybe some had become overly pious, thinking that this aspect of marriage is a little carnal, a little less, something to be despised. It might be that some had come from such a profligate background that they had rebelled, reacted so much against that, that even within marriage, this is wrong or something less. Maybe some of the question was: Is this proper in a mixed marriage—a believer married to an unbeliever? There might have been some problems that have occurred many times since—a problem of manipulative wives using it in order to get their way or something like that. But physical relations, Paul says, in marriage is an obligation. It is a duty that is assumed for the good of the spouse when you marry.

And Paul approaches the problem here in a way that just far excels all of the best of modern marriage experts, it seems to me. Notice how he says in verse 4: “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but to his wife.” You see the angle he’s working at here? When you enter marriage, you assume an obligation. It’s called love. And in love, what you are doing is pursuing the happiness of the one that you love. And so when that principle is applied to physical relations, this business of physical relations in marriage is not just for your pleasure. You need, in the first instance, to view it as for your spouse’s pleasure. So, in that respect, your body does not belong to you; it belongs to your spouse. It’s not just your choice. It’s his; it’s hers. So, he says, you take on an obligation then when you marry, and it’s to give this satisfaction to your spouse as you have pledged to.

Many marital counseling issues are settled here. One is using sex in marriage as a lever to manipulate the spouse. We have a word for that. It happens all the time in marriages. You don’t have to be a marriage counselor very long before you see it and hear of it. But we have a word for that: it’s called prostitution—using this as leverage to get your way or to get other favors of whatever kind.

This also, though, what Paul is giving us here, corrects the thinking of those who consider physical relations as something of an optional extra. It corrects the thinking of those who think that physical relations in marriage is something dirty, carnal—those who think that maybe they’re holier because they don’t. The whole idea of the Roman Catholic Church that these priests should be celibate because that is a holier state? This puts the lie to all of that.

And there’s something about this that has what we might call, in the 21st century, a very enlightened ring to it, doesn’t it? The Bible’s view of sex—and this is, I’m sure, something that will be surprising to many of you, to some of you at least—the Bible’s viewpoint regarding physical relations in marriage has been hidden beneath medieval Roman Catholic notions, where the perception is generally that the Bible’s opposed to sex and that’s it. And people, I have found over the years, are very surprised to learn what the Bible actually has to say about the subject. But as I say, it’s been hidden under centuries of medieval Roman Catholic teaching.

For example, Tertullian and St. Ambrose taught that the sex act itself, even within marriage, was sinful. Even within marriage. They would rather that the human race die off altogether than that people should indulge in such a thing. That’s an interesting thing that they would say, given the creation mandate: “Be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth.” Augustine was not quite as negative as that. He taught that physical relations in marriage were innocent. He didn’t quite say they were good, but he said they were innocent. But he also said that the passion that drives that desire is sinful. I’m not sure how he made that distinction, but it’s a step in the right direction at least.

Chrysostom taught that Adam and Eve surely did not have physical relations before the Fall, certainly, because it is one manifestation of human sin. Origen agreed with Chrysostom in that regard, and he inclined to the theory that if sin had not entered into the world, then the human race would instead have been propagated by some mysterious, angelic manner that he doesn’t quite define—and he’s not able to. Gregory of Nyssa taught that Adam and Eve were created without sexual desires and that they would never have had that if it weren’t for the Fall into sin. He said that the human race would then, if it hadn’t been for sin, have been reproduced through some harmless mode of vegetation. You can laugh; it’s okay.

Well, this was the dominant kind of view regarding physical relations until the Reformation. And the Reformers came and righted this wrong and corrected it. Luther not only taught and preached against that kind of viewpoint, but in order to make his point, he married. And in fact, it was advised to him very pointedly that he owed it to the cause of Reformation that he should marry. This man who had been a monk should marry. And so, to make his point really well, he married a nun. They had a wonderful marriage, by the way. He speaks often of his “dear Katie.” And, of course, he married and he was criticized by his opponents: “Well, the only reason he married is to fulfill his base desires, and this just proves what we’re saying about the guy. He really is a carnal man.”

Calvin taught that conjugal relations is a thing that is pure and honorable and holy and good. And it is pure and honorable and holy and good precisely because it is ordained of God. Good reasoning, isn’t it? And he calls foolish the old teachings to the contrary. And what’s really interesting and surprising to many is the teaching of the Puritans in this regard. We are often criticized for having a “Puritanical” view of sex, meaning that we are opposed to it all and we view it like the old Roman Catholic view was. The Puritans were unanimous in their teaching that the sex drive was created by God and therefore a good thing and a holy thing in and of itself. It’s not an animal appetite merely, but it’s the expression of deep love and commitment to your spouse, and therefore it should never be exercised outside of marriage. It was too good of a thing to be wasted in that regard, too good of a thing to be debased in that kind of a way. But because it is what it is—this deep expression of love and commitment to one another—it is a wonderful thing, not just an allowable thing; a good thing and a wonderful thing and a great gift from God.

And the Puritans were very big on romantic marital love. Some of the Puritans, when describing marital love, sound almost like some 20th-century erotica. Sexual sins to the Puritans were a horrible thing, just like they are in the Scriptures. But it was to them a horrible thing because it debased a good gift from God to be used for a much greater purpose. It was something that was too sacred to be abused. Well, you can see how that, in the hands of the Reformers and the Puritans, is something of a restoration of what the Bible is teaching and what Paul is teaching here in 1 Corinthians 7: that this is something that is good and is something that is owed, in fact, for the pleasure of your spouse.

Let me give you one other passage in this regard. Keep your hand here; we’ll be right back. But just to finish this out, turn a few pages forward to Ephesians chapter 5. And I want you to catch something here of the Apostle Paul’s thinking in this regard. And I’m sure this will be surprising to some. In premarital counseling with people, I’ve generally found the couples to be surprised to hear a Baptist preacher talk like this, much less the Bible talk like this. But I want you to see how the Apostle Paul reasons with this. Ephesians 5, verses 3 and following:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these things are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be any obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Now notice in particular how he comes to the point I’m making in verse 4: “There should not be any obscenity, foolish talk, coarse jesting. These are out of place, but rather…” That’s not what you’re expecting, is it? “Thanksgiving.” No foolish talking, coarse jesting, dirty talk. That’s just not becoming a Christian. But rather, there should be—and you’re expecting him to say, “Rather there should be holy and pure conversation” or something like that, right? But instead, what does he say? In place of all that, there should be thanksgiving. That is to say, we should view this—physical relations in marriage—we should view it as a good gift from God for which we should be thankful.

I’ve often pressed this in premarital counseling with a couple. In order to get our thinking straight on this, what does it mean here? And I’ll ask them to explain to me: What does it mean to be thankful? That’s a pretty easy question, isn’t it? And then I’ll often give an analogy. What do you do before you sit down to eat? Before you eat, what do you do? Bow your head and you give thanks, right? Okay. Now, this time they’re looking at me like, “Are you serious? We’re supposed to pray before…” No, I’m not saying you have to; before you go to bed each night, you need to thank the Lord. But that’s the kind of attitude the Apostle Paul’s enjoining on us here, isn’t it? Not only is this something that is tolerated, this is something that is good and wonderful and should be viewed by us as a wonderful gift from God for which we should be thankful. And young men and women, as they enter into marriage, I think it’s very helpful for them to be advised on these lines to think this way: that this is something that is wonderful under God and they should delight in it. In that respect, this is a good gift from God for which we should be thankful.

Well, we learned that in other passages in scripture as well. If you would like some interesting reading in this regard, look at Proverbs chapter five, where the wise man gives the advice to his son regarding fidelity in marriage. “Drink only waters from your own cistern.” Veiled language like that, but some of it is very explicit. And his counsel to his son is: the best way to remain faithful in marriage is to keep the bedroom hot. That’s what he’s saying. Certainly, if you read through Song of Solomon, what will you learn from him if not this? That this is something to be delighted in as a gift from God and enjoyed in that respect. Nothing illicit allowed. There ought to be a deep sense of gratitude for God’s good gift of giving this to His people, to His creatures, for their pleasure.

Well, I told you you would be nervous while I talk about this, and no one would cough, and you’re even afraid to laugh when I make a joke. But physical relations is a gift, then, that is given for the pleasure of God’s people, and Paul is simply pulling from all of that here in 1 Corinthians 7 and saying that this, then, ought to be the debt that is paid to your spouse, and your viewpoint ought to be for his pleasure, for her pleasure.

Now then, he allows an exception in verses 5 and 6: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” The rule, as we’ve seen now in the previous verses, is regular physical relations for mutual satisfaction. Paul allows one exception here, and he’s very specific, and he restricts it in very specific ways. Look at verse 5 again. Do not defraud each other except: one, by mutual consent; two, for a time; three, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer; then come together again. That is, if both partners agree to abstain for a brief period of time, and that in order to allow both to spend time in intensive prayer so as not to be distracted, then they may do so. That restricts it pretty much, doesn’t it?

The rule still stands. So unless both agree, and unless both agree to abstain for only a little while, and that because of some deep spiritual concern that they want to pray about, and only for a little while—okay. Otherwise, the rule, he says, is to be regular physical activities with the husband and wife. That’s the only exception to the rule that the apostle gives. There must be some overriding concern on the part of both, and it is only for a time, and it is for the purpose of prayer. And even this, he says, is not a binding rule. He says in verse 6, “I say this as a concession, not as a command.” I’m not commanding you that you have to have certain times when this is set aside. I’m allowing it, but only under these conditions.

And Paul states the reason for the restrictions on this at the end of verse 5: “Come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” In other words, we’re back to verse 2 and verse 9. This is one of the purposes of marriage—one of the purposes. And it should not be deprived. And if you make this exception that I have allowed, carefully defined, then only for a while, because we don’t want to fall back into temptation in terms of sexual immorality.

Now, another question, I think, is answered from all of this. We have a custom in our day when husbands and wives are not getting along well. They don’t quite want a divorce, but they’re not getting along well, so they separate. What does this passage say to that? It says to the Christians: you have this debt to pay to your spouse. And I can’t see, in too many instances, where separation would be justified. If he’s beating her, I think she ought to get out of there, and I think he ought to be horse-whipped. In fact, I think there may be biblical grounds for divorce in such a condition like that, but you see the point. That is to be either divorce, if there are biblical justifiable grounds—we’ll see that next time—or the two are to live together as husband and wife in all that that entails.

All of this, those of you who would like to look it up further, you can see this is simply an exposition of Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 19, verses 3 through 12. It is something of an exposition and application of His teaching there—the permanence of marriage with all of its attending obligations. Celibacy is a gift, but it is not a gift for all. The norm is for a man and a woman to marry and to be faithful to each other in all that that entails.

Summary Counsel

Now then, in closing—and next time we will look further into the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage and see what the apostle has to say about that—but some summary counsel here from what we’ve seen so far.

Number one, to those who are single. First of all, it’s good to be single—only beware of fornication. Next in that, it is good not only to be single—speaking now to the single people, it is good to be single. But number two, it’s good to marry. And if it’s good to be single, only beware of fornication. He says here also, it is good to marry—only beware of the added pressures of that. And we find that in verses 25 through 40, where he deals with the pressures that are on married people in that regard, that there may be an occasion where singlehood is to be preferred over marriage because they are able to give themselves to the service of Christ without distraction. And implied in all of that is: only marry the kind of person, if you are single, look to marry only the kind of person who would be compatible in this sense that we’ve been seeing in these verses. And of course, as he says at the end of the chapter, only marry in the Lord. And of course, the bottom line of what the apostle is teaching here regarding the single person: unless and until you marry, determine to remain content in the condition that you are in and use that opportunity then for the further service of Christ.

But of course, the burden of his teaching here in this passage is to those who are married, and he is simply exhorting us here who are married to be not takers but givers in marriage; to make sure that we fulfill our marriage obligations in every way—in this way and in every way that fulfills the desires and the happiness of our spouse.

All right, let’s look to the Lord in prayer. Our Father, we’re thankful for Your Word that meets us at every point of our lives. We’re grateful for the instruction that You give us for our happiness. We recognize, Lord, as we find so often through Your Word, that as we follow the instruction that You’ve given to us, not only do we honor You and not only do we do what is right, but in doing what is right and honoring You, we find the most fulfillment and satisfaction and pleasure ourselves. So we pray that You will bless us in this. Lord, bless the homes of our church. Give us fulfillment in every respect. The husbands and wives here, we pray that You will give us a deepening love for our spouses. Lord, help us to see, as a matter of serving You, that we will serve one another for their good, for Your glory. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

I’d like you to take your hymnals, please, and turn to number 441 to sing a hymn of praise to Christ, our Redeemer.