Church: Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia | Text: Genesis 2 | Date: December 5, 2021 | Speaker: Fred Zaspel

Prayer And Introduction

Our Father, we’re grateful for your word. We’re grateful that it is not only without error and entirely trustworthy, but we’re thankful that it is all-sufficient as well. We’re grateful for the instruction you give us now today concerning who we are and what marriage is, what our lives together are intended to be from the beginning. We ask that you’ll give us that insight into your word this morning in Genesis 2. We pray that you’ll enrich our marriages as a result. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

I still want to get to what I mentioned last time about a biblical theology of marriage, to see how this theme runs through the Bible, but I think I will put that off until next week. Even then, I think it might be just a brief overview, but I want to allow time this morning to follow up on what we did last week, just introducing the idea of creation, male and female, and today pick that up on with the marriage relationship itself. And then next time, I think we will look at marriage roles, how that is established at the beginning. But today, the marriage relationship itself, and I’m hoping it will be of practical value to you. In that way, I think the applications here are very important that we’ll get to by the end.

Genesis chapter 1 verses 26 to 28: “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the heavens, over the livestock, over the earth, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the heavens, over every living thing that moves on the earth.'”

All right, and then we have then in Genesis 1:26–28 the broad, brief account of the creation of man and woman. And then the details of that are given to us. Remember in chapter two where it zooms in. In chapter two, verse seven, we have the creation of the man: “Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. And the man became a living creature.” And then with verse 18, it begins the account of the creation of the woman: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground, the Lord had formed every beast of the field, every bird of the heavens, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. While he slept, took one of the ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.’ Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

All right, I want to spend just a few minutes here at the beginning reviewing what we saw last time because it’s foundational to what we want to follow up with today. First of all, notice in these accounts, both in chapter one, then in chapter two with the details, there’s the emphasis that humanity was created in two genders. We will still follow up on that with some, I hope, some contemporary application in a couple of weeks. But these two genders, male and female, there’s an emphasis in the narrative on the unity of male and female. There’s a similarity. There’s a compatibility between them. Chapter one, verse 27, both male and female were created man. So humanity, mankind, equally male and female. Each male and female are in the image of God, equal image bearers.

Chapter two then, verse 22, she is made from his rib, from his side, so she is now his other half, his other self. We’ll pick up on that in a little bit. Chapter two, verse 23, he, Adam himself, picks up on it in that way and says, “This is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.” That is to say, here’s someone like me, someone compatible to me, someone like me, someone on my level.

There’s also a sense of interdependence that’s built into the narrative. Chapter 2, verse 23, she shall be called woman because she was taken from man. Paul picks up on that as well. She’s from him, and so there’s a certain dependence of her on him. But then Paul picks it up in 1 Corinthians 7 to say that, well now, from that point forward now, man is from her. Man is from woman, born from women, and so he is dependent on her. So there’s a sense of interdependence built into it as well.

The complementary nature of the relationship is there as well, not just anatomically or biologically, but she was made for him. She was made to complement him. Although she can compliment him too, he wouldn’t mind that. But she’s made to fulfill him in some sense, to complete him in his aloneness. So there’s that idea then also of fulfillment and completion, verses 18 to 23, which we’ll see again this morning. Then we saw in verse 24, Moses gives us the net result of that union. They, too, become one flesh. They become one flesh. So he’s speaking now, first of all, of physical union in the physical relations of marriage, but it’s obviously more than that. But there’s a complete unit now that the two have become one in some very important ways. And a spiritual unity is formed. And I mentioned that last time, one plus one equals one in marriage. And it’s not nonsense. I’m not being self-contradictory here and introducing a different kind of math or logic or anything. But there is an important sense that the narrative wants us to see, that these two have become one together. And in their relationship, they are one, and the one becomes part of the other.

Some Conclusions

And so because of that, verse 24 again, Moses draws some conclusions. I gave you these last time, but I want to go through them again. For this reason, that is, therefore, because God has created man, because he’s created woman from man, because now these two have become one, therefore, man shall leave his father and his mother and they too shall become one. So, some conclusions. He’s setting up marriage, this first marriage here, as a prototype for all of humanity.

Number one, we said marriage consists of a union of man and woman. That was taken for granted. For all the centuries of humanity until recent years, we have to emphasize that marriage consists not of just a relationship of two people who are in love. It’s a man and a woman.

And we said next, marriage consists of a union of one man and one woman. That’s the prototype that’s set up for us. It’s not just a group of people who love each other, but one man, one woman is the prototype.

And then I emphasized also, and I’ll mention it again, the third conclusion that we should draw from this is: the marriage relationship is primary. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.” There’s a change in relationship. The relationship to the parents is no longer primary. Ongoing obligations that we all have for our parents as long as they live, but the primary relationship has changed. It’s no longer with parents. The primary orientation is to your spouse. It’s not the in-laws. For this reason, it’s generally not advisable to live under the same roof. Two families, attention gets split and gets distracted at times. The primary relationship is the husband and the wife. Also, the primary relationship is not the children. That becomes a little difficult in the practical outworking of it because the children are demanding of attention and all of that. But we have to keep in mind the primary relationship now is the husband and the wife. We’ll say more about that as we go on.

The fourth conclusion we mentioned was that the marriage relationship is permanent. “Hold fast to his wife.” The idea of permanence is there. Jesus picked that up in Matthew chapter 19. These two have become one and that it should not be put asunder. Because they are one, you cannot think in terms of divorce. Now, in fact, there are some exception clauses for divorce, and we’re not gonna get into that, at least in this Genesis course. Jesus makes the exception of fornication, the breaking of the covenant relationship. Paul picks that up in 1 Corinthians 7, and a broadening of that just a bit, the breaking of the covenant relationship. But the rule is marriage is permanent. One man, one woman, forever. They have become one.

Fifth conclusion we saw from this: the marriage relationship is the exclusive context for sexual relations. The marriage relationship is the exclusive context for sexual relations. We saw in Genesis 2:24, “A man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Now on one level, that’s important for the carrying out of the creation mandate in Genesis 1:28, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth.” And so one of the purposes of marriage is to have children. But what’s emphasized here is not that. In Genesis 2:24, what’s emphasized is the oneness that is established not in marriage generally, but the oneness that is established in the physical relations of marriage. The two have become one flesh. And because the two have become one, and that is in some sense created by, and in another sense expressed in physical relations because of its intimacy, that is the exclusive context for sexual relations.

Now Paul picks that up, and I don’t think I’ll take time to turn to it, but if you’d like to mark it down, 1 Corinthians 6, Paul picks that up in his application to the Corinthians. You remember of all the problems that they had in the church at Corinth. One was some of the men were frequenting prostitutes, probably the temple prostitutes in the temples there in Corinth. And they had their excuses for it: foods for the belly and, you know, we’re created for this. It’s just sex. And they had their reasons for it. And Paul gives us a number of gospel-oriented reasons why that is such wrong thinking. And he gives like four or five different reasons why that is wrong. But one of the things he zeroes in on is this matter of the two becoming one in the physical relations. There’s something unique about that. A spiritual oneness is formed in the physical relations, and that is intended for marriage. And so in that sense, Paul says, to have sexual relations outside of marriage is unique in that it is a sin against the body. It is intended for the oneness that is established in the marriage relationship, and that is not to be violated, and it’s not to be expressed in any other way. Paul picks up on Moses then in that regard.

Now there’s an emphasis then in the passage, and this is what I want to unpack for the rest of the time. There’s this emphasis in the narrative of the oneness of the marriage relationship. Again, verses 23 and 24: “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.’ Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” So verse 23, we have Adam’s assessment or reflection on this. She’s part of me. She’s another me. She’s taken out of my side. She’s from me. She’s one of me. Another self-kind of thinking. That’s Adam’s reflection on it in verse 23. Moses’ interpretive comment is given in verse 24. And this, he says, is to be prototypical for all marriages. “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” So again, one plus one equals one in marriage. Two come together and form a unit. Their hearts beat together, their lives are intertwined so much that the two now become one. And I mentioned last time that there’s a sense in which they begin to look like one another. And I don’t want my wife to look like me, but the idea is that you can’t see the one without seeing the other. They’re so in sync, at least in a good marriage. The relationship is such a oneness practically lived out that they become one in virtually every way.

I think we should take the time, look at Ephesians chapter 5, and see how Paul picks up on this. Ephesians 5, beginning with verse 28. I’m going to give you time to get there. Ephesians 5, I’ll begin with verse 28: “In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.” Do you see that? Where do you get that? Genesis 2:23, right? It’s now bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. “In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” She’s part of him. She’s one with him. So Paul’s picking up on this oneness idea from Genesis. “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” He’s quoting Genesis 2:24. “This mystery is profound, and I’m saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, even though that’s the model that it’s displaying, let each one of you love his wife as himself. and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

So here’s this triple emphasis, verse 28, twice, and then again in verse 33, we have this emphasis on loving the wife as himself. And no one ever hated himself. I guess somebody could be mentally deranged and do bodily harm or something, but no one hates himself and does harm to himself, and so likewise with the marriage relationship. You treat your wife, he says, as you treat yourself. You look out for her, you look out for her interests, because after all, she is you. She is your other half. And I mentioned last time, and I’ll just mention it again in passing, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul picks this up with application to the sexual relations in marriage in a very practical way to say that she, in this respect, in physical relations, she is in this for him. And he is in this for her. And I don’t know how any sex counselor today could ever improve on that. The orientation is to the other because it is, after all, my other half. And so this is just brimming with applications that this oneness in marriage that’s established, not just physically, but spiritually and in virtually every way, is to be lived out in all kinds of ways.

The Purpose Of Marriage Is Companionship

Now let’s spend the rest of the time then unpacking that. And let me say it this way, and I think this is just so closely related, it’s almost the same point. The purpose of marriage is companionship. The purpose of marriage is companionship. Chapter 2, verse 18: “It is not good that man should be alone.” Throughout the narrative, we have, “It was good. It was good. It was good. It was very good.” And here we have the one instance of something in the new creation that was not good. And it was man’s aloneness. And I think I mentioned last time the expression “not good” here is emphatic. It’s not just there’s lacking goodness, but it’s not good. It’s bad that man should be alone. It’s not supposed to be this way.

So the purpose of marriage is companionship. Now there are other purposes of marriage. One of course is the creation mandate, chapter 1 verse 28, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth.” To do that there must be this marriage relationship and so on. Also another purpose of marriage is to provide an environment that is conducive to raising children for God. Another purpose of marriage Paul mentions in 1st Corinthians 7 is to provide the context for the right use of certain physical passions, for pleasure, that’s all involved in it as well. But what’s emphasized here in this narrative is this idea of companionship. The purpose of marriage is companionship. God created marriage in order to provide happiness in companionship for his newly created man.

Now that’s fascinating, I think, in one respect, because Adam already enjoyed fellowship with God. Adam was not alone in an absolute sense. He had fellowship with God. What else could he want, you think? But what the narrative emphasizes then is that there was no one on his level. There was no one like him. And so God made someone like him out of his rib, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, and the two become one, and now he has someone like him. And that’s what’s emphasized in the narrative. It, in fact, presses the need of Adam’s aloneness, and not only his aloneness, but his sense of aloneness, in verses 18 and following, which I think is just a fascinating passage when you read through it even quickly. The Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I’ll make a helper fit for him.” And then he starts talking about the animals. And Adam names the animals. And then it ends up in verse 20, “But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him.”

So those intervening verses are designed to stress Adam’s aloneness and to give Adam a sense of his aloneness. It’s not good that he’s alone. Bring the animals by here. Have them, name them all. And after it’s all done, Adam realizes that real companionship can’t be found in the animal world. And like I said last time, a man’s best friend is not his dog. Man needs a woman. Isn’t that what it says? Isn’t that the point? Now this side of the fall, there’s the macho tendency to show our independence and all of that, but I think it’s built right into the narrative to say that man needs a woman. God is preparing Adam for his wife by running all the animals by and as we said that may have taken some time to do that, but Adam himself then is brought to recognize that he needs someone on his level. He was still alone and he needed someone that would respond to him, identify with him on his level. He’s not an animal, he’s a man and he needs a companion, someone that can identify with him and that he can identify with her. He needed a woman.

Now again, there are exceptions to that. 1 Corinthians 7 deals with that. Two exceptions there that Paul mentions in 1 Corinthians 7. One, because of the “present distress,” it may be better not to marry. And number two, there is such a thing as a gift of celibacy. But generally speaking, and it has been the universal norm, man needs a woman. And so, verses 21 and 22, God causes Adam to fall into a deep sleep, takes out a rib, he makes a woman, and Adam exclaims in verse 23, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.” Here is finally someone perfectly suited for me. She’s woman because she’s taken out of man. And man now is no longer alone.

I’ve said it before and I’m sure you’ve heard it even elsewhere. Matthew Henry’s famous comment on this passage, it just bears repeating every time, that the woman was made out of a rib, out of the side of Adam, not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. And I, if you’re like me, the first time you hear that, first time you read it or hear it, you think, “Okay, that’s really overplaying the symbolism, I think, is the text really drive us to see all of that.” And it may be, it may be a little overdrawn, but it’s not much because the Apostle Paul picks up on this same kind of theme. And he says that there is a significance in terms of how Eve was created, from the man; when she was created, after the man. All of that is intended to have significance, Paul says. And at least we can say from this, with Matthew Henry, I think that she was taken from his side, to be by his side, to be his companion, to be one like him. She is then his helper. And by the way, this is a wonderful picture of God here as well. He’s created man. And there’s an emphasis here on God’s compassion with tender concern. God is concerned for his new creation. “It’s not good that he’d be alone.” And so God provides for Adam’s aloneness and makes a helper and a companion for him.

All right, then again, marriage is for companionship. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever thought of it consciously in those terms. What’s the purpose of marriage? Quick answer: companionship, I got that. I don’t know if you’ve ever thought of it quite that sharply, but I suspect that every one of us has realized that, at least at some level. Everybody who wants to be married, wants to be married for companionship. Again, there have been some who’ve done it for money or prestige or whatever, but the rule has always been, we want a companion. We want someone by our side. We want a soulmate. And that is what marriage was created for. And I think anyone who’s ever had a failed marriage learns very keenly how important companionship is.

Now all of that then sets us up to see how tragic the events of Genesis chapter 3 are. We get there and we have Eve, instead of assisting her man to live faithfully under God as she was created to be his helper, she led Adam away from God instead. Instead of giving companionship and support, there was an isolation on her part, an independence on her part, even an insubordination on her part. And on Adam’s side of things in Genesis 3, instead of exercising dominion over the earth, instead of protecting his wife, instead of exercising headship over his wife—he should have gotten rid of that snake—and instead he submits himself, and in fact we have this terrible scene in chapter 3 where this one who was previously his soulmate, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, now becomes his scapegoat. “The woman which you’ve given me, she gave it to me. It’s her fault. Let her do it.” And instead now of her being his other self, she is someone else that he can blame to get him scot-free. And there’s this division within the first marriage and the companionship is broken.

And so the first warning that comes from this is that a loss of companionship—please hear this, you who are married—a loss of companionship is always the first step to a failed marriage. A loss of companionship is always the first step to a failed marriage. Before legal divorce, there’s always that mental divorce. Seeing her or him as someone else rather than as my other half and my other self. And so how that works out in practical terms is life gets busy. Responsibilities pile up. We live in a fallen world. It’s got all kinds of difficulties, sins, and temptations. But life piles up, job gets demanding, the kids need constant attention, and there are all kinds of pressures that come to bring a separation and put a strain on the companionship that marriage was intended to be.

Many years ago, I read a book, probably 30 years ago, 35 years ago maybe, I read a book by Jay Adams. I think it’s called Christian Living in the Home. I’ve recommended that book to many people. Just a wonderful book on the various responsibilities and roles in the home. He makes a statement in there that has stuck with me all these years. He said, “Ladies, the best way for you to be a good mother to your children is first of all, be a good wife to their father. Men, the very best way for you to be a good father to your children is first of all, to be a good husband to their mother.” He’s emphasizing this idea of companionship that is primary, that marriage was created for oneness and is to be lived out in practical ways.

That loss of companionship, which if let go will lead to divorce, that loss of companionship works its way out in all kinds of ways. Before ever there’s a fight, each of them are instead of pursuing one another and cultivating this companionship, each of them is pursuing their own interests separate from the other. She has to have her time, he has to have his time apart from the others. She has to pursue her interests, he has to pursue his interests that exclude her. Or it’s just the distractions of rearing the children, job responsibilities, and whatever gets in the way. He comes home from work and he’s tired and he ignores her. He needs his time to be alone.

Instead of this sense of oneness, what develops with the separation that has happened mentally, what happens is a spirit of—instead of companionship—there’s a spirit of competition that arises in the relationship. One of them will seem cold and grumpy, rudely silent; I know you’ve never experienced that in your home. And the other thinks, “Well, I can play this better than he can. I can play this better than she can.” And there’s a spirit of competition that comes in that’s just eating at the foundations of the companionship that marriage is supposed to be. Each jockeys for prominence. Something is spoken and each has to have the best word and the last word. “I can stand taller at the end of this debate. I’ll show him. I’ll show her.” And that’s anything but companionship that marriage was created to be.

And when that happens, and it goes on day after day, and there’s no deep communication, no companionship on a practical level, no experienced oneness that marriage was created to be—there’s no friendship being developed and cultivated. And then finally one day, around the age 50, last kid leaves the nest, and you look across the breakfast table at somebody you don’t even know. And all of those years, attention given to other things, things other than companionship, the oneness that marriage was supposed to be. And now suddenly you’re looking at a stranger across the table and that becomes one of the leading root causes of middle-aged divorce. If only they had taken their time and remembered to be friends and develop companionship, the later years of life would have been so much happier and more fulfilling.

So companionship, each for the other, each for the other. This is the key to marriage. It is what is created to be an experienced oneness. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. You can see how all of this is just an unpacking of Genesis 2:23 and 24. So I think the bottom line of this is, for your marriage, work, work deliberately, intentionally, work at companionship. Develop the relationship with your husband, your wife. The key to it all is that you are in this for him, you are in this for her. Focus on one another. That’s, after all, what love is. That works its way out in all kinds of practical ways.

A simple illustration of that that I found my parents modeled this very well. They were very much for each other. And one just, it’s almost humorous, almost seems trite, but it’s a nice little vignette that shows how they worked at it. My mother, my dad, he ate, slept, drank, breathed, slept baseball. He had an offer to try out for the Brooklyn Dodgers back in the late 40s. He was—everybody I met back years ago when I would meet someone from dad’s previous life, they would always remember, “Oh I used to love to watch him play baseball.” There’s nothing about baseball he didn’t know and didn’t love and he was quite the athlete. But baseball was his big thing.

Mom, there is no one on the planet more not athletic than my mother. I remember one time we were at a baseball game and it just shocked us to death. A guy hit a foul ball. We were off of the first baseline and sitting there. He fouled the ball off straight at us. My mom screamed, put your hands up, and came down with the ball. Who knew mom could catch? I mean, you throw her a ball, she can’t catch it. But she did then. But she didn’t know a thing about baseball. She didn’t know a thing about athletics, sports, anything. But she and dad got together. And suddenly, mom likes baseball. And so they were dating. Mom wants to go to the baseball game. Connie wants to go to the baseball game with Jim. And yeah, it’s just part of how oneness and companionship expresses itself. Your interests, your likes, your desires, your goals, they meld together into a oneness that marriage is created to be.

All right, that’s all I have for this. Any questions, comments?