Church: Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia | Text: Proverbs 25:11 | Date: June 21, 2020 | Speaker: Fred Zaspel

It is good to be back meeting again these past three weeks that we have had together after the long hiatus, the COVID hiatus. I think in the three weeks I’ve been back, I have been given a couple of foot bumps, a few elbow bumps, probably a dozen or so knuckle bumps, maybe a half-dozen handshakes, three or four hugs. As of yet, no holy kisses. But I’m still waiting for that.

It is really, really great to be back again. Time away was interesting. It made us, I think many of us have felt, it made us appreciate our fellowship more. Absence sometimes does make the heart go fonder, and that was the case. And it’s great to be meeting back again regularly.

Take your Bibles, please, and turn to Proverbs chapter 25. We’re continuing our studies in Proverbs. I am increasingly impressed over the years at the variety of genres that we find in the scriptures. God gives us historical narratives. He gives us very didactic literature teaching us and prophetic literature. He gives us poetic literature and all the different genres. He ministers his truth to us in different ways and according to different needs.

Proverbs is not Romans. Romans is a wonderful and almost, well, the vast majority of it, a theological discourse. Proverbs, although robust with theological implications, is not given for that particularly, but given to direct us particularly how to live. What is wise living? And we’ve already sampled enough of the Proverbs to see that it is directed toward teaching us how to live wisely, successfully before God.

And what we’ve been doing now is sampling a number of the topics that the Proverbs address. And today we’ll be looking at the subject of wisdom or wise words, wisdom about words, wisdom about the words that we say, how we talk, how we talk to one another. And this is just such a vast subject in Proverbs. I am almost certain we won’t finish this this morning, but we’ll continue it next time.

But we will look today, beginning at chapter 25 and verse 11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Let’s bow together in prayer.

Our Father, we are grateful for the instruction you give us, that you have taught us not only all the wondrous truths of what you have done for us in Christ, but you’ve given us direction for living in a way that is both honoring to you and rewarding for us as well. We’re grateful that you’ve not only promised to transform us by the gospel, but you’ve given us your Spirit to work by means of your word to transform us and to make us to be all that you’ve called us to be.

Our Father, as the Apostle James reminds us, there’s likely no aspect of life so given to sin as sins of the tongue. Give us wisdom in speaking. Help us to learn this morning from your word what wise words are, how a wise man or a wise woman will speak. We pray that you will do this for your glory and that you will do it to sweeten our fellowship as well. In Jesus’ name we ask, amen.

A Word Fitly Spoken

All right, again, verse 11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Or some of you have the New International Version: “Like apples of gold in a setting of silver is a ruling rightly given.” Now, the NIV takes the word “word” in an official sense, and so it translates it here “a ruling.” There’s some strong usage to that effect in the Old Testament, and so they’ve rendered it that way. It’s perfectly acceptable. I’m not certain that’s the way it should be taken here, or I generally think it’s better just to take it in its broad sense. And that is a word of any kind, like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word rightly given.

So we have here, as we’ve been studying the kinds of Proverbs that we are given, we have here an emblematic parallel, and that is something given to compare and to picture something else. And so we have here a sculpture of some kind, some piece of art made from silver. So picture some kind of sculpture that has been made; picture it as, not tarnished, but picture it as shiny silver, a brilliant thing to see in any case, and then set off in that silver sculpture are some apples of gold, shining.

I’ve often been struck how artists have a talent to give just that right touch to something. Whether it’s a painting—I don’t know what’s more difficult. It seems to me sculpting is even more difficult than painting, although both are impossible for me. But here we have a sculpture of some kind made of silver, shining and beautiful. And then in just the right spot, there’s maybe a basket of golden apples shining as well. A striking thing.

You’ve probably noticed that kind of thing in several different kinds of art, whether you’re an art connoisseur or not. You’ve been struck at times: “Boy, that is a nice touch. Really makes it set off nice.” And that’s what he’s saying here about a word that is fitly spoken. An appropriate word, spoken at just the right time, in just the right way. It’s like those brilliant, shining, golden apples in a sculpture of silver. Just the right word, just the right time, wisely spoken, in just the right way.

And so this Proverb captures for us a common life experience. So much of our life, most all of our life, is shaped by words. Words we speak, words we hear. It shapes virtually everything about us. There’s nothing quite like just that right word spoken at just the right time to make life a happy thing.

Now we have plenty of other Proverbs like this. Let’s sample a few. By the way, keep your Bibles handy. We will be back and forth. For those of you who use electronic Bibles, you’re going to have a little more trouble this morning because it’s not as quick as looking across the page. But we will be back and forth to many different Proverbs this morning on this theme.

Proverbs 15, verse 23: “To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!” Again, he’s speaking of the fittingness, the appropriateness of just that right word that’s timely given. Someone has been thoughtful, and they speak at the right time with the right thing to say, and it’s real joy to the heart of the friend who hears. How good it is.

Chapter 16 verse 24: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Again, we have an emblematic parallel. It’s comparing to something. Gracious words are like a honeycomb, something sweet. And he says it’s sweet to the soul and health to the body. It’s like a medicine. Only this is a different kind of medicine because most medicine is bitter. This one is sweet, sweet medicine. Usually medicine takes a little spoonful of sugar to help it go down. This medicine is sweet itself. It’s like honey, and it’s health to the body, and it’s sweetness to the soul.

One more. Look at chapter 20, verse 15: “There is gold and abundance of costly stones, but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.” Again, he’s comparing something here. In this case, he’s comparing something good to something better. And you’ve got gold and abundance of costly stones. They’re wonderful, but there’s nothing quite like the lips of knowledge. They’re a precious jewel.

So these kinds of Proverbs, then, are designed to encourage us to be thoughtful in our speech. If I had the time and if I had the ability, I could spend the rest of our time just fleshing that thought out. In what ways can we be careful to speak well in speaking to one another? To be thoughtful, to think before we speak, to think how can we be wise in speaking to one another? How can my speech today be a ministry to others? That’s what these Proverbs are encouraging us to do.

Words That Are Not Fitly Spoken

Now, some Proverbs, we find, teach the very same lesson, but they do it from a negative side. That is, they teach the same lesson by giving a bad example. So instead of a word fitly spoken—a word, just the right word at just the right time, spoken in just the right way—the Proverbs tell us also about words that are not fitly spoken.

So let’s look at a couple of those. Look at chapter 25. Chapter 25, verse 20: “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and vinegar on soda.” Or if you have the New International Version with you, it reads: “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”

Now again, we have a comparative or emblematic kind of a parallel here. And in fact, we have here two different emblems or pictures compared to a third. We have the man with a heavy heart, that is someone who is sad, deeply sad, someone who’s hurting at the core of his being. There’s been some kind of devastating news; perhaps we could think bereavement. Okay, a man with a heavy heart. And that’s compared to two things.

One, one who takes off a garment on a cold day. Now when you read “cold day” here, don’t think cold like some of you ladies when it gets to be 68 in here think it’s cold. Think Minnesota winters. A couple of years ago we went home to visit my mother at Christmas. Christmas, I think it was Christmas morning, anyway, the first morning we were there, I stepped outside. I had my coat on, and I had forgotten what this feels like. It’s just cold. And you take off your coat, and it’s not a pleasant thing. When it’s 28 below zero, and you take off the coat, it’s shocking, and it’s painful. Truth be told, there were times when I lived in Minnesota that we spent so long in 20 and 30 below zero for several weeks on end that when it got up to 20 below zero, we thought it was balmy. But you get the picture here. A cold day, taking off a coat, and oh, it’s cold. That’s the idea here.

And then “vinegar on soda.” Now there are several ways to read this verse. There’s also disagreement in translation. There’s some textual questions. There’s also disagreement on some questions of the details in the ancient translation, the Septuagint, the Syriac, different things. But the ESV and the NIV that we have dominantly here, give us two different options. The ESV reads “soda.” Actually, the Hebrew word here is an Egyptian loan word, and it’s where we get our word niter. So the soda, that’s an alkali, of course. Vinegar is acidic. And so you put them together, you get an explosive response. And they neutralize one another, cancel one another out, basically ruins it.

Now the NIV takes it as pouring vinegar on a wound, not on soda, on a wound. There’s some ways to, reasons why they translate that way. One is just the sense of it, and the sense here is just as in the first emblem—taking off a coat on a cold day is a painful thing—pouring vinegar on a wound not only does no good, but it can be a painful thing as well. But in either case, you get the point here. We have two things that are painful—taking off a coat on a cold day, pouring vinegar on a wound—and that’s compared to this third thing, and that is someone hurting at the core of his being and some friend comes up and sings happy songs.

Now the guy probably means well; he’s cheery, he’s making merry, but he’s cheery and making merry to someone who’s hurting deeply. And what the man or woman who’s hurting deeply needs at that point is not merrymaking. That’s actually an irritant. What they need is some sympathy, some empathy, some understanding, certainly something that recognizes the pain. And so here we have a way not to talk to one another. This is not a word fitly spoken. And he’s teaching us here how to minister to one another when we’re hurting, or better, how not to minister to one another when we’re hurting.

Look over at chapter 12. Well, we’ll get to that in a minute. This, I think, can be summed up in the words of Romans, and that is here, chapter 25, verse 20. Romans echoes this a bit: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Well, let’s look at the one in chapter 12. Chapter 12, verse 25: “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” So here’s a man who’s anxious about something, and a good word is spoken by a friend, and it offsets the anxiety. A word fitly spoken.

Chapter 27, verse 9. We have another comparison. Chapter 27, verse 9: “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” So here we have a comparison. On the one hand, we’ve got this sweet-smelling perfume that is refreshing, delightful. And then on the other hand, you have a friend who knows you, who loves you, who has your best interests in mind, and he gives just the right counsel. The New American Standard translates it here: “So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friends.” The idea of a sweet-smelling aroma—you might make it, it’s like the smell of fresh-made cookies. Is there right counsel from a friend? Mark of a good friend is to have that word of counsel when needed.

A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath

All right, with all of that said about the right word spoken at the right time, Proverbs also has much to say about well-chosen words specifically in difficult situations. Most famously here, chapter 15 and verse 1—we should all look at this because it’s an easy one to memorize, a hard one to keep—Chapter 15 and verse 1: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Here we have an antithetical parallel, and the parallel, the symmetry is exact. We have a gentle answer versus a harsh word. We have wrath versus anger. The one, the gentle answer, turns away wrath, or by comparison, or by contrast, the harsh word stirs up anger. So what he’s teaching us here is some self-control. He’s teaching us, telling us we need to bite our tongue before we speak. If we don’t have the wisdom to bite our tongue and to hold our speech when we’re provoked, and then have the wisdom to speak gently at that time and not to respond with anger, if we don’t have that, all we’re going to do is make a bigger fight, and in fact, things are going to be said that shouldn’t be said at all. So here’s a mark of wisdom: a gentle word or a gentle answer, a soft answer that turns away wrath rather than stoking up the wrath, responding in kind.

Now with that said, the Proverbs also recognize that there are times when a rebuke is called for. Yes, we should be careful, have the wisdom to give a soft answer to turn away wrath, but there is still time for rebuke. And a wise man will know when to give the rebuke, know how to give that rebuke wisely, and a wise man will know to listen to that rebuke, and in fact, a wise man will even profit from the rebuke. And we have many of the Proverbs that talk about that.

Chapter 25 and verse 12. Proverbs 25, verse 12: “Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.” So on the one hand we have this gold ring, which is a beautiful thing, or a golden ornament, and on the other hand you have the guy who wears it. And the reprover is like the gold ring or the golden ornament, and the guy who hears it is the one who wears it. It’s a good thing. It’s a beautiful thing.

Now, this is interesting here, and the Proverbs will see this often, that Proverbs has no place at all for the contemporary idea of friendship, that it must be always approving, always affirming. That’s the idea of friendship today. If you don’t always affirm or always approve of whatever it is you’re—you must hate him. Now we hear that all the time today, of course. Proverbs has no place for that kind of thinking. A wise friend knows when to rebuke. He knows how to do it, too. And a wise man knows how to hear rebuke. And we’ll take it.

Another one in this vein, chapter 27, verses 5 and 6. 27 verses 5 and 6: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” So one aspect of friendship is not simply affirming and approving, but one aspect of friendship is that when he sees his friend heading toward foolishness, out of love for the friend, he wants to intervene. And so he gives a word of rebuke. In fact, he loves his friend so much that he’s willing to risk his friendship and give that word of rebuke.

Now verse five, we have something implied. Notice the two things that we have contrasting: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Open rebuke, hidden love. What’s implied there is that even in rebuking, the friend is showing love. Because it’s better than hidden love. This is an open love. It’s actually an expression of his care and his love that he gives the rebuke. And that’s borne out again in verse six: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” So we have friendly wounds and enemy kisses. Friendly wounds and enemy kisses. And the friend, of course, is the one who cares enough to reprove. And the enemy is the one who just flatters. A whole group of Proverbs given to the notion of flattery as well, and I doubt we’ll get to that.

Chapter 17, verse 10, if you would like quickly in this line: “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” Now the fool in Proverbs is the man who has no hope. You can beat him a hundred times, it’s not going to make a difference; he’s a fool. But a rebuke without the beating goes deeper into a wise man.

The Power of the Tongue

So then the book of Proverbs, wow, Proverbs recognizes that words are powerful things. The influence of words is profound. It can influence for good or for ill. It can shape lives. Words can even shape destinies.

In fact, there’s a whole dimension of study today, a whole branch, a whole field of study today called speech act theory that studies not just words and what they mean and so what we mean when what we say, but it’s a study of what words do. That is when I say something, I’m not only giving a proposition informing you of something, but words often do something. So if I make you a promise, “I will give you $100,” I just did something to you. Depending on how you trust me and what you think of me and whether you think I’m able to give you $100, depending on all those factors, I’ve just done something in you. Created a response.

If I’ve just called you ugly, I’ve done something to you. Words have done something. The whole branch of study, speech act theory, what words do—the power of words. Now that’s been picked up, of course, in some popular ways that I think are ridiculous. You can create your own reality by saying what you like and all of that. To me, that’s a particular kind of ridiculous, but words do something.

And in fact, we find that in Proverbs, especially in the early chapters, where we have the sage teaching his son. And what he’s doing is not just giving him information, although, as we saw, that intellectual aspect of it is dominant or prominent. But he’s trying to do something to his son. He’s trying to change his heart. He’s trying to have his heart grasp the significance and the value of wisdom, to instill in him an appreciation of wisdom. Words do something. Words are powerful.

But they are powerful for both good and ill. So, for example, chapter 12, verse 18: “There’s one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Words can be powerful for good or for ill. They can bring healing. We’ve all experienced that when someone comes along with just that kind word or just that needed word at just the right time and has a healing effect. And we’ve also seen those words that are like sword thrusts.

We have the same in chapter 15, verse 4: “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” Or the NIV here: “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Again, the idea is that words have an amazing potential to, on the one hand, so to speak, reestablish paradise, and on the other hand, they can just shatter, crush the spirit like crushing a piece of pottery.

We’ve all heard the American proverb, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I suppose there’s some level on which that’s true. On the playground, maybe. Oh my, we all know that’s not true. Because what is done to us is not nearly as bad, usually, as what is done in us that words do. And so chapter 18 verse 21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” So the words have power for good or ill. Those who commit to using language carefully and wisely will see the results of it.

Chapter 11 puts all of this on a societal level or a community level. Look at chapter 11 and verse 11: “By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is overthrown.” So there’s a power of the tongue on a community level. Too many of us have seen, I’m sure, the power of the tongue in a negative way on a community level in the church. Words spoken can disrupt fellowship and all but ruin the fellowship altogether. Or on the other hand, the blessing of the upright builds the city and exalts it. To put that not on the societal level, but the church, local church level, that means the way we speak to one another has a large effect on the whole atmosphere of the congregation.

There is a legendary king—I’m sure this is not true, but the legend goes that this king orders his servant to go out into the realm and bring him the very best thing in the realm. The servant went out, came back with a tongue. And as the legend goes, the king ordered the servant then, “Go out into the realm and bring me the worst thing that you can find.” And as you would guess, he returns with the tongue. And then he explained to the king, “A tongue, sire, may be the source of either good or evil. When it is good, there’s nothing better. And when it’s evil, there’s nothing worse.” Solomon would agree with that.

Categories For How To Speak

Now what we have then in the book of Proverbs then is a number of categories for how to speak. What are the characteristics of the words of the wise? And it is already quarter after the hour. We have the Lord’s table, and I am not going to get through with this, so I think I will save it until next time. Let me just give you a brief heads up, and if you would like, you can look at the book of Proverbs yourself to look ahead to see these kinds of categories of how we should speak to one another. What are the categories of what a wise man says?

Number one, he doesn’t talk too much. We’ll talk about that next time, but I hope I won’t talk too much. Number two, we won’t talk too soon. Number three, a wise man knows when to say nothing. And then there are other categories as well. The wise man does not gossip. The wise man does not flatter. And we’ll see some of those as we go on next time. And then we’ll also see how the Proverbs reveal the heart.

We look through the Proverbs on any of these categories. One of the things these words do to us, it ends up making us feel a sense of guilt, doesn’t it? It can be challenging, encouraging us to speak better to one another, but it also ends up with a sense of guilt because we know we haven’t spoken wisely always. As we come to the Lord’s table today, we can rejoice that we have one who took all of our sins to himself, including our sins of the tongue. Let’s bow together in prayer.

Our Father, help us to speak wisely. Help us to recognize the power of the tongue and give us a heart to minister to one another, to speak well, to have that right word at the right time that we may minister healing and health to one another. Bless our congregation in this respect. We are so grateful for what you’ve given us in it. We pray that you would in every way improve our health by our use of the tongue, that we may honor you and enjoy the results of it ourselves. In Christ’s name we pray, amen. Oh, yeah.