Church: Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia | Text: Ephesians 6:1-4 | Date: December 6, 2015 | Speaker: Fred Zaspel

Introduction

More like the Lord Jesus, we pray. His name, amen. A couple of things before we start the recording. So if I don’t make you wiggle enough this morning, I’ll try again next time.

Ephesians chapter 6—you’ll remember back in chapter 5, the Apostle Paul has spoken of our responsibility to walk in wisdom, and in doing that we are provided with this wonderful provision, the filling of the Spirit. We are to take advantage of this great provision that God has given us in Christ, and then he applies this broader principle of walking in wisdom and being filled with the Spirit; he applies it specifically to responsibilities in the home. Beginning in verse 22 of chapter 5, he addresses wives. Then beginning in verse 25, he addresses husbands, and then a little bit more with wives.

And now we come to chapter 6, and he deals with parents and children. And then verse 5 and following, we’ll see that he deals with slaves and masters as well. That’s the broader context, as you remember. This morning, verses 1 through 4:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Let’s read it again. It’s a brief text.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

One more time, verses one and two:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother.

Let’s bow for prayer. Our Father, how we long to see our homes increasingly shaped by the gospel that we have embraced. I pray, Lord, for the homes of this church, particularly those where we have children still at home with parents. We ask that this passage from your Word would be helpful and minister to them, shape them in such a way that it is for your glory and for their happiness. We ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

My wife likes to tell the story about a woman who was in the church where she grew up. The woman was rather outspoken in her criticism of other parents. She didn’t have any children herself yet, but when she would see children misbehaving and such, she felt very free to speak about how those parents hadn’t done their job very well, at least not yet. Some time later, she married. She has children of her own. And I can’t remember now, Kim, if it was Kim’s mom or if it was another lady in the church—it doesn’t matter—who happened to see this lady in the grocery store just as her little child was throwing a temper tantrum and she was having quite a fit with him. And at least she had the humility to say, as she looked up at this lady from church, she said, “This was not the child I was going to have.”

I always hoped when my children were little, if I would preach on a passage like this on the subject of parenting and child rearing and the responsibilities of children—I always hoped that they would behave during that service, if any. And I always hoped that they had gone to the bathroom ahead of time so that they’re not getting up in the middle of the service or anything like that that would make Dad look bad in the middle of a sermon. But overly critical as that lady may have been from Kim’s church, at least, I think we can say in sympathy, at least she did understand that the gospel ought to have a transforming effect in the home.

Of course, none of us will see it as perfectly as we would like. But we ought to expect that the gospel that we have embraced will shape our homes accordingly. And that, of course, is exactly Paul’s point here in this passage. The theme of this brief passage is the Christian family. He has dealt with wives, he’s dealt with husbands, he’s addressed them concerning their primary responsibilities, and he’s telling us now that the Christian family itself, with parents and children, is to be marked by gospel transformation also.

That is to say, Christian parents are parents whose goal in parenting is to train their children to live for Christ. Christian parents are parents whose goal in parenting is to bring up their children to trust and to live for Jesus Christ. And the Christian family is also one in which the children—Christian children—are children who, out of devotion to Christ, obey Dad and Mom.

I’ve often said in our preaching, what we are supposed to do as preachers is tell you, first of all, what it is we are going to say, and then we say it, and then at the end we tell you what we have told you. We have our introduction, the body of the sermon, and then the conclusion. I do that because I’m afraid you may fall asleep for the body of the sermon, so at the very least, up front now, you have what this passage is about. That is to say, Christian parents are parents whose goal in parenting is to bring up their children for Christ. Christian children are children who, out of devotion to Christ, obey Dad and Mom.

Now, of course, because I’m a preacher, there’s a longer way to say that, and so I’m going to, but there it is. And the Apostle Paul writes this part of his letter for exactly that purpose: to remind us of how the gospel ought to shape the Christian home. Now, it doesn’t take a great imagination to see in your mind’s eye the church at Ephesus that Sunday morning so long ago when this letter from the Apostle Paul was first read. I’m sure, and you can bet on it, that this letter from the Apostle Paul was the sermon of that morning. It’s not every day you receive a letter from the Apostle Paul. And I’m sure the elders of the church were eager to share this with the congregation.

And I’m sure that as they read through this letter, the people of that congregation are just like the rest of us as they heard it. They would say “amen” at times, and at other times they would say “ouch.” And at other times they would be saying things like, “Wait a minute, what did he say about election? What did he say about regeneration?” And there might be other times when you think, as they would think as they heard this read, “He’s gone from preaching to meddling now at this point.” And of course, in the apostle’s view, preaching entails meddling necessarily, because God has instruction for us on how to live. And so there’s necessarily rebuke and there’s correction.

The pastor’s job then is not just to comfort the afflicted, but at times to afflict the comforted as well. And they’re recognizing that as they read through. And I’m sure at the end of it all, they’re saying, “Go back. What did he say about…?” and they have to mull it over. And they have to think through the implications of it. And they have to study through it again, contemplate the ramifications of all of that said. And I’m sure all of that went on that Sunday morning as Paul wrote to the congregation to explain in those early chapters the great implications of salvation and how it is God came to save us. And then now in these later chapters in the book, how it is we are to behave and how the gospel is to have its transforming effects in our lives—and now in particular, having addressed wives and husbands, now addressing parents and children.

And one simple observation, I think, that arises from that original setting is very significant for this contemporary church. And that is that as the Apostle Paul writes to the church at Ephesus, he assumes—and I want you to hear this, it’s very clear here—that he assumes that the children are with their parents in the worship service. There it is. He doesn’t write and say, “Parents, teach your children to obey.” He writes, “Children, obey your parents.” And he addresses the children in the meeting of the church. Neither the Apostle Paul nor that early church at large had bought into that notion yet that the children need to be separated out and somehow the corporate meeting of the church is of no value to the kids and those kinds of things. But assuming that the children are with their parents in the worship service, the apostle writes, addressing the children themselves specifically.

I remember some time ago speaking to a very well-known, very prominent reformed pastor-theologian. He was pastor of a flagship church of their denomination and he was frustrated as he could be over this kind of issue. He couldn’t get rid of the children’s church, and he said, “We have our children grow up outside of the worship service, and they go to age whatever it was, never having breathed the atmosphere of corporate worship or seeing Dad and Mom in corporate worship, and we wonder why we’ve lost them; we never had them.” I realize there are complications today because parenting itself is very—we’ve lost the practice, we don’t know how to keep our kids anymore—and I realize there are complications for that with regard to visitors. But here is the norm that the apostle has for us.

Children, Obey Your Parents

Now, when the Apostle Paul turns his attention to exhort the children specifically, it’s interesting what he has to say. Children—now, kids, I want you to listen up. And what I mean by kids is if you’re still at home living with your parents, you’re a kid, okay? Get over that. Children, obey your parents.

This was the very first verse of Scripture that I had my kids memorize. I’m not ashamed of that. Jim and Gina were very young, very young. I could have them quote Scripture for anybody. “What is Ephesians 6:1?” “Children, obey your parents.” And Jimmy, Gina, whichever I’d be talking to: “What does that mean?” “It means children have to obey their parents.” Yeah, that’s right. It’s exactly what it means. Children, obey your parents. We had to memorize Scripture. We also had to memorize other things as well—the Zaspel Catechism that I didn’t teach to Jimmy, but I did teach to Gina when she was very young. First two questions were: “Who made little girls?” Answer: “God made little girls.” Question number two: “Why did God make little girls?” Answer: “To love their daddies.” I remember having her quote that to the same pastor I mentioned earlier, and he had an older daughter at the time, and I think he was jealous that he hadn’t thought of a catechism like that as well.

But this was their first verse of Scripture that they were to learn: “Children, obey your parents.” Now notice what it says: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” And I think what that means, at the very least what it means is: as an expression of your devotion to the Lord, obey your parents. That is, this is your responsibility in Christ. As a Christian child, obey your parents. This is a religious duty that you have. This is a responsibility, children, that God has given you. The way that you honor God, the way that you show your devotion to God, is to obey and honor your parents. So he starts off: children, understand your role. Very simply, obey your parents. Your place in life as a child is to honor God by obeying your parents.

Now then the apostle tells us, “for this is right.” Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And I take that to mean something like: this is the way it ought to be. And the gospel’s effect in the home is to restore and to maintain this order of what ought to be. You obey your parents because that’s what’s right to do. This is the structure of authority that God has established in the home. So, children, obey your parents out of devotion to Christ because that is what you are called to do.

And then he backs that up with a quotation from Scripture, verse 2. And you’ll notice here, of course, the quotation of the fifth commandment, Exodus chapter 20: “Honor your father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise.” Honor your father and mother. It’s worth pointing out here, I think, that what Paul gives us in verse one is a specific application of the fifth commandment. The fifth commandment is not “children obey your parents.” The fifth commandment is “honor your father and mother,” which is, of course, a responsibility that God lays on every one of us at every age. But as that commandment applies to children, it means at least obey your parents. The way you show your honor to Mom and Dad at this stage of life particularly is to obey them. Now, of course, honoring Mom and Dad means a whole lot more than that, and we’ll see some of that, but at the very least, it means obey your parents. So, honoring your parents is a duty imposed on all believers, of course, but specifically now, children, here is how you keep that commandment: obey your parents.

The mark of our generation, of course, is rebellion against authority. It’s remarkable, and I’ve often felt bad for those who teach school anymore. It’s getting more and more difficult because children are not taught proper structures of authority and they bring that into the classroom, and it becomes all the more difficult for them. And, of course, the mark of teenage years in particular is notoriously this: that of disrespect for parents because now the children have grown up to know that it’s the parents that are stupid and that they know better. But Paul says here, the Apostle Paul says: children, you have this responsibility before God. This is what is right. Obey your parents. And disobedience to parents, disrespect of parents, is not made right because you have entered those teenage rebellious years. At this point, the parents are wishing they’d come up close to make sure that the children have heard this well.

Paul goes on in verses 2 and 3 to stress that this—children, obey your parents, honor your father and mother—is in your own best interest. And children, I want you to hear that. Obeying your parents, honoring your parents, is in your own best interest. And that’s why he says it as he does. “This is the first commandment with promise.” Well, as a matter of fact, it’s the only of the commandments with promise. What he’s pointing out is “first” in this sense: that it’s of great importance for your own self-interest. Now, under that old covenant that, of course, had ramifications in terms of living in the land and so on, but here, this is the first commandment with promise that it may go well with you, that you may live long in the earth. My version here, the ESV, has it “land.” I’m not sure why they do that. But I think that we have here an expansion of that land promise to showing that the Christians will inherit the earth with the Lord. And this is tantamount to something like when Paul says the adulterers and so on will not inherit the kingdom of God. This is in your own best interests.

It’s amazing how stupid kids think parents are. Kids, I want you all to hear this. However stupid you may think they are, however wrong you may think they may be, God is not stupid and God is not wrong. And God says, “Children, obey your parents.” And God will hold you accountable on that score.

Now let’s talk about this a little bit. Children, I want you to think: why is it, do you think, that God gave you parents? Why do you think God gave you parents? Just to feed you and put clothes on your back because you can’t do that yourself yet, but otherwise to turn you loose? Did you ever think, kids, did you ever think that God gave you parents because they know better what is best for you than you do? Kids, I want you to think about it. Did you ever think that you, apart from your parents, would make decisions that would make you unhappy?

I want you to take the time and I want you to look back to Proverbs 22. Proverbs 22, verse 15. I want to make sure we all get there so you can see it with your own eyes.

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it from him.

Now, this rod of correction business—we’ll deal with that in another sermon another day. It is interesting that he points out that there is some kind of intimate connection between the heart and the backside. Somehow you hit the one and it cleanses the other. But notice the first part of that verse: folly, foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child. I’ve heard comedians deal with this principle. They don’t take it from Proverbs, but they talk about brain damage that we’re all born with, and finally we hopefully grow out of that. But it really is amazing how much foolishness resides in the heart of every one of us, of course, but particularly in those early ages.

Children, the fact of the matter is you have not seen what your parents have seen. You’ve not experienced what they have experienced. You have not learned what they have learned. And frankly, kids, you are not as concerned for your own well-being as your parents are. It may be hard for you to believe that, but that’s the truth. And you need your parents to give you direction precisely because foolishness is bound in your heart. Children, I want you to see that. I’m not trying to insult you. I’m trying to tell you the truth about yourself. Foolishness is bound up in your heart.

When you were very young, you needed your parents to manage every moment of your day because you’d hurt yourself. You’d run headlong over the stairway, not knowing it would hurt until it’s too late. You’d play with a sharp knife, not knowing how dangerous it’d be. You’d poke something into the electrical outlets, not knowing how dangerous it would be. Or if you’re like my brother, when he was a baby he crawled into the kitchen into a corner behind the stove and found the ant poison. And my dad comes in after him and he looks up and says, “Num num, Daddy, num num.” And off to the hospital they went.

And as we grow up, we shed some of that foolishness, hopefully. But face it, kids, it’s a long time before you’re safe. And you need your parents to give you direction precisely because foolishness is bound in your heart. And kids, you need to hear this: that you are likely, you are likely to make decisions that will make you unhappy. You are likely to make decisions that you are convinced are right and that will make you happy, only that in the end will make you unhappy. And when you do it, you’ll wonder what happened and why you’re unhappy. Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child.

And most foolish of all, kids, most foolish of all, you will think that you can find happiness apart from God. You’ll think that you can find happiness apart from Jesus and the gospel that your parents are proclaiming to you. You’ll think that your sin of disobedience to your parents is not a sin worthy of condemnation. When you stop to think about it, it’s really amazing how much foolishness is bound in the human heart. Children, you need to know this about yourself: that you will set out to pursue happiness only to ruin it. And so God has given you parents to direct you in the way that you should go. For your own good, God says, “Children, obey your parents.” Do this out of loyalty to Jesus Christ. Do this because it is right. And do this because it’s in your own best interest.

Honor Your Father and Mother

Now let’s spend some time on the commands. Two of them, really. “Children, obey your parents.” And then verse two, “Honor your father and mother.”

Obey. For the life of me, I don’t understand this, but this word seems to have a very broad definition today when it’s really, I think, very clear what it means. Obey means to do what you are told when you are told to do it. Obey your parents. That means when Mom tells you to go clean your room, you go clean your room. It doesn’t mean, “Well, she hasn’t yelled at me yet, so I don’t have to do it yet.” It doesn’t mean after she tells you the third time. Children, obey your parents. What about if you don’t like it? Children, obey your parents. What if you’re just kind of tired and you’re in a bad mood? Children, obey your parents. What if you really don’t agree? Children, obey your parents. There’s the command.

And then, “honor your father and mother.” Honor your father and mother. Now, that at least entails obey, and that’s why Paul gives that specific command. But of course, this one, “honor your father and mother,” goes much wider than that. It has to do with your attitude, an attitude of respect. Kids, it means you hold your parents in high regard. It means you show them—can I use this word broadly?—you show them reverence. “You’re told to sit down.” “I don’t want to sit down.” “Go clean your room.” “I don’t want to clean my room.” Didn’t ask if you liked it. Didn’t ask if you wanted to. Clean your room. Honor your father and mother.

Your parents, kids, should never, should never have to hear from you a bad-mouth complaint when you’re told to do something. Show respect. Honor your father and mother. Don’t ever, don’t ever, when Mom tells you to do something, roll your eyes like she’s so stupid. Honor your father and mother. And what that means, I think, in very practical terms is that you have to behave yourself in every way so as to make the home life pleasing to your parents. I always taught my kids that. It’s their job—well, it’s every one of our jobs, but it’s their job, too—to make the home happy. We will always be—we had a ball in our home with kids growing up. We had more fun than human beings ought to have, I think. But I emphasized that all along with the kids. This is your responsibility. You keep the home happy.

To do that, there must be obedience and there must be honor to parents. That means it affects the way you talk. You speak respectfully to your parents. It means you speak respectfully of your parents. No one should ever hear from you complaints about your parents. It means this affects the way you behave as well. We’d be shocked today to do this, but in some cultures, at some times, it was the practice that when the parents entered the rooms, the children would stand to show respect. I don’t know that that’s necessary, but what does matter is this matter of honoring your parents, showing respect in every way.

It means you avoid the haughty looks. It means you don’t roll your eyes when you’re told what to do. It means you don’t show an attitude, which is somehow the mark of our day, and I can’t for the life of me understand why parents would allow that for a moment. It means you never talk back to your parents—never sass. You never give your parents the silent treatment. You don’t grumble. You don’t complain. And here’s what some kids will do: they get a little peeved at what Mom has made them do, so they’re going to punish her. They give the silent treatment. They make it difficult. Honor your father and mother.

I am pretty surprised at times as to what is allowed in so many homes, Christian and unbelieving for that matter. When I grew up, I never once, that I can recall, I never once sassed my mother. Never once bad-mouthed my mother. I like to think it was because I loved her and all of that, but I have to think that a good part of it was I knew that if I did it, I’d pick myself up in the middle of next week once Dad heard about it. I’ve been like that with my kids. One thing you will not do in my house: you will not live here and bad-mouth your mother. I said at all times, behave yourself in such a way as to add pleasantness to the atmosphere and that you show honor to your parents.

Kids, it should never be difficult for your mom to tell you to do something. It should never be difficult for your mom to tell you not to do something. And as you get older, that will mean where you can go, who you can be with, what clothes you wear, who you can date—it should never be difficult for your parents to tell you these things. Not only, Paul says, not only must you obey, but you obey with an attitude of heartfelt submission and honor and respect for their authority.

Now, especially for your older kids, the question’s going to come up: “But what if I don’t agree?” And in response to that, I love to ask—so happy you asked because I want to respond. I will one-up you on that one. What if you always know better? In answer to that, we look at Luke chapter 2 and verse 51, where it is said of the Lord Jesus that he was submissive to his parents. The Lord from heaven came and learned what it was to live in subjection to his mother and his father. And so obey your parents. Honor your father and mother. Show them respect.

This will mean also show them gratitude. Try to repay them. And I don’t mean in money. I don’t care about the money. Take all our money; we’re glad for you to have it. Try to repay them with honor and respect and love. And when your parents are wrong—and it will happen, when your parents are wrong and make a mistake or even sin against you or are overly harsh—cheer up kids, we’ll talk to Mom and Dad next week. When they make mistakes and they are wrong, you show them every courtesy, you give them every benefit of the doubt, and you give them the patience you would like to have shown to you. When they correct you and they rebuke you, you don’t rebel; you show respect and be submissive.

It seems to me that there should be nothing that shames you, kids, there should be nothing that would shame you more than your father or your mother’s reprimand. If you have the honor and the respect for your parents that you ought to have, I think that would be the case. When they place restrictions on you—where you can go, what you can eat, when you can go, who you can be with, and all of that, how you can spend your money—understand this is why God has given them to you. Obey and be submissive. It means then to pay close attention to their instruction, their counsel, to their rules and their regulations. This is why God has given them to you. Be grateful for it.

In short then, honor your parents and obey your parents. Understand that your parents, kids, understand that your parents love you very much. Understand that your parents, whether you believe it or not, your parents really do want what is very best for you. And your parents really do want you to be happy. And understand also that that sometimes is a very difficult job because of you. And kids, you should understand also that you can give your parents more joy than anyone else on earth. And you can also give them more grief than anyone else could. Obey your parents, honor your father and mother always, and do so knowing that as you do that, you are showing honor to God.

This sermon, of course, has been full of exhortation. Let me give you a few more before we close. Kids, again, listen up. Understand that you will never regret honoring your parents. You will regret bad-mouthing them, you will regret dishonoring them. You will never regret honoring your father and mother. You’ll never wish that you had disobeyed. And understand that the blessing of God on your life, in a very real way, is attached to your obedience to Dad and Mom.

Number two: children, remove, remove all disrespect from your heart now. Just clear it away. Don’t harbor any feelings of disrespect or dishonor to your parents, but esteem them very highly. Get off your high horse. Forget pride. Quit thinking you know better than they do. Understand that God gave you parents because you need them. Understand that they love you. Understand that they are pursuing your best interests.

Again, kids, there’s a rule to keep before you always. Obey cheerfully and immediately. Obey cheerfully and immediately. My kids heard me say it, I’m sure, several times—well, many times over. “You will do it, and you will like it. And if you don’t like it, you better think I think you like it. I won’t have that disrespect.” Obey immediately. Obey cheerfully. Don’t make your parents grieve by treating their commands with contempt, with an attitude. Make your parents happy by not only obeying, but showing them the respect that they deserve as you obey.

And then most important of all—if you’ve heard nothing else, hear this. Understand that your parents, understand your parents’ goal in all of this. What your parents want more than anything else, what they are after ultimately in all that they do for you, is to bring you to trust and to love and to obey the Lord Jesus Christ. And in all these shaping rules and all of these regulations that they give, and all the counsel and the direction and the correction and the rebuke and all that they give you, what they’re aiming at is that they want in the end to see that their child has come to know Jesus Christ, to trust in Him, and submit their lives to Him. That’s really all they want. And on the way to that, you can have everything else. You can have all the money. You can have all the time. You can have everything they’ve got to offer. All they want from you is to see you belong to Jesus Christ.

Now, of course, in the end, we know that we’re left to the sovereign God to save. But this is our pursuit. And insofar as we are able, and insofar as God has given us this responsibility as parents, this is what we pursue: to point our kids to Jesus Christ. I suppose if I could say one more thing with that: kids, understand. Understand this because you’re going to think otherwise. Understand that only there will you find the ultimate joy that you’re looking for. Amen.

Let’s pray. Our Father, we thank you for our homes. We thank you for the joys that we have had. We’re grateful for the privilege you give us to be father, mother, son, daughter, family. We ask that you will help us, first of all, to honor you in our relationships—our relationships to one another and to you. We pray in our behavior, it’ll reflect the transformation that the gospel is intended to have in our homes. We pray that by it, you would be honored, and we pray that by it, you will bring us to find the happiness and joy of obedient followers of Jesus Christ. In whose name we pray, amen.

And well, in closing today, we’re going to do something a little different. We’re actually going to have a benediction, but we’re going to have us all sing this benediction together. For those of you who came to the Thanksgiving evening service, you’ve sung this already, but most of us probably haven’t. So I’m going to have Becca play through the tune for this once. But let’s stand together as we hear this. It’s the benediction; the words can be found in your bulletin. So let’s sing this together as we close today.

[Music plays]

Okay, let’s sing this together as we start by saying, “May the peace of God.”

May the peace of God, our heavenly Father, and the grace of Christ, the risen Son, and the fellowship of God the Spirit, keep our hearts and mind within His love. And to Him be praise for His glorious reign. From the depths of earth to the heights of heaven we declare the name of the Lamb once slain, Christ Eternal, the King of Kings.

May this peace which passes understanding, and this grace which makes us what we are, and this fellowship of His communion, make us one in spirit and in heart. And to Him be praise for His glorious reign. From the depths of earth to the heights of heaven we declare the name of the Lamb once slain, Christ eternal, the King—

Let’s sing that again—”And to Him.”

And to Him be praise for His glorious reign. From the depths of earth to the heights of heaven, we declare the name of the Lamb once slain, Christ Eternal, the King of Kings.

Amen. You are dismissed.

Don’t forget, anybody—any adults or kids who are interested in participating in the choir for this coming Christmas season concert, come meet up here right now by the piano. Thank you.