Church: Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia | Text: Ephesians 6:4 | Date: October 8, 2023 | Speaker: Fred Zaspel

We continue today our series on Christian parenting. We’ll look at Ephesians chapter 6. Again, I want to mention that we appreciate that several of you, a good many of you, are beyond the child-training years. Your children are grown or nearly grown or even gone from the home. And for some, this may have relevance only by extension and what influence you have as grandparents or whatever. And some of you, it may have very little relevance at all. I appreciate that. And as I mentioned last time, we particularly appreciate your patience in all of this as we go through it for the sake of the parents that do have children at home. In particular, this is for them.

It has been, I think, probably too long since we have addressed this at any length in our morning worship services, and so we’re giving the second Sunday of each month for these four months to the subject. Last time we looked at Proverbs chapter 22, and we tried to expound on the idea of the foolishness that is in the heart of the child, and how that becomes relevant to parents in shaping their objectives and their goals. Today we extend that a little bit further, and the title of the message is, “To Save Our Children.”

We’ll be looking at Ephesians chapter 6, particularly verse 4. You’ll remember by way of context that we come to this section of Paul’s letter where he gives exhortation on various matters of Christian living. Beginning with chapter 5, verse 22, he turns his attention to the home in an extended way. Then in chapter 6, verses 1 and following, we have children and their responsibilities. We’ll look at that next time, Lord willing. Then when we get to verse 4 in particular, it deals with parents, and that will be our focus this morning.

Ephesians chapter 6, beginning with verse 1:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Let’s pray. Our Father, we marvel more all the time at how relevant your Word is to every situation in life. We thought of that this morning during the Sunday school hour, and we see how your words speak so directly to contemporary issues that confront us. And now in this hour, we thank you for the instruction that you’ve given us regarding our homes. We thank you that you’ve not left us to ourselves to figure it out ourselves, or worse, to listen to the world’s wisdom, but you’ve given us guidance as how to bring up our children to your honor and to your glory. Lord, we pray for the families of our church, the parents in particular. Lord, give them wisdom, give them conviction, give them insight, give them every grace that is needed to bring up their children, as this verse says, in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Give them success in it, we pray. In Jesus’ name, amen.

All right, again, the title of the message is “To Save Our Children.” And I want to look primarily, as I’ve said, at verse four: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.” These two terms in the second part of the verse, “the discipline and instruction”—or if you’re familiar with the older rendering in the King James Version, “the nurture and admonition of the Lord”—these expressions sum up the parents’ responsibility with regard to their children. Don’t provoke your children to anger; we will deal with more of that next time. But then this last part: “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

So let’s take a moment or two to look at these two expressions. First of all, “the discipline.” This word means training, but it’s more than just instruction. It’s training instruction primarily with the idea of discipline, but in the sense of shaping a child’s life. In fact, built into the word is the word “child.” Child training—you could translate it that way. Sometimes this word is used in terms of spanking or corporal punishment, but when we say discipline is the idea involved, it’s not just that. It’s not just spanking, but it’s all that goes into shaping a child’s life and his character. So it’s providing instruction, but it’s providing instruction with the intent of forming proper habits, shaping proper character. It’s all that goes into what we would call child training. That’s the idea: training them toward maturity. It’s guidance, it’s instruction, it’s correction, it’s discipline. And so therefore, the King James Version translated it “nourish.” Nourish them. Bring them up in the nourishment of the Lord.

And then this next word, “instruction.” The idea there is not just generally that of teaching. The idea is that of corrective instruction. So it has in view not only training them—that’s what we saw in the first term—but in this one it’s corrective instruction; it’s correcting wrong belief, correcting wrong behavior. It’s instruction but with the connotations of warning, so it’s often translated “admonition” or even “reproof.” Those of you who are familiar with the terminology in contemporary Christian counseling, “nouthetic” counseling, it comes from this word, noutheteō; it means to admonish or to warn. So it’s counseling that’s designed to bring the responsibilities that God has given to bear on the Christian life.

So, bring up your children in the training and all that goes into training—that is instruction, it is correction, it’s discipline, it’s guidance, everything towards shaping their life and character. And that with admonition, even rebuke, corrective instruction, guiding them, shaping their lives with all of the appropriate instruction and cautions and restrictions, even corrections and rebukes. All that goes into that is what’s caught up in this terminology. And this then: bring them up in the nurture and the admonition, or the discipline and instruction, within this framework “of the Lord.” Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That is the whole range of biblical instruction regarding faith, regarding life, responsibilities before God, what to believe, how to behave, what we should do, what we should not do, why we should do this, why we should not do that. It’s what we believe, it’s who God is, it is teaching what God has done, what our responsibilities are before Him and our obligations. It is teaching what is right, what is wrong, what is true, what is false. All of this is taken up into this terminology: the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.

In short, it is God and His demands on us in terms of what we believe and how we respond and how we behave, what our goals and what our ambitions should be in life—faith and life that pleases God. So, parents—it says “fathers” here. I think that is to acknowledge the father’s headship in the family and his particular role in discipline, but it’s probably used with the sense of parents involved as well. Teach your children, admonish them, teach them what is right, teach them what is wrong, correct them when they are wrong, teach them this is who God is, this is what He has done, these are the requirements that He has placed upon us. So the idea in view is that of a full-blown and a full spectrum of Christian discipleship. We might even just paraphrase it to say: parents, disciple your children.

So here, training and instruction with regard to children: bring them up to live for Christ. Evangelize them, win them, train them accordingly, make them disciples of Jesus Christ. So this is a summary statement then of the parents’ responsibility before God. God has entrusted these little ones to your care. Your responsibility is to train them to live for Jesus. Now, you might think when I stated my title, “To Save Our Children,” you might think that I’ve overstated myself at that point, and I did that deliberately just to be provocative. But I am not out of bounds in saying it. Paul uses exactly that language when he writes to Timothy, when he says to Timothy, “take care, watch yourself and your doctrines so that you may save yourself and others who hear you.” And it is in that sense exactly that we are exhorted here only with the broader language of Christian discipleship. What God expects of us is that He gives us these children and our first aim, our first goal, our overarching goal is to see them bow before the Lord Jesus Christ and be safe and live joyfully in Him. That’s our goal.

We saw last time that foolishness is bound in the heart, and we applied the doctrine of original sin to the child. We tried to expound on what that means in a child’s heart and how we all are and how we all think naturally in our natural state. And it is the parent’s responsibility to divert the child from the foolishness that’s in his heart and direct him to Christ so that he will live for him. That’s our responsibility. Now, you’ve gotten then the whole sermon already in a nutshell; now let’s unpack that a little bit more.

Understand then, your first responsibility as a parent is not to make sure that your child has the most amusements, the most toys, the most stylish clothing, the most extracurricular activities. Your first and overriding responsibility and uppermost in your mind must be the sober recognition that God has given you a role, and that is to disciple these children for Him and to bring them to Christ. And every decision we make as parents must be made thinking through that grid. What we want, first of all, and most of all, and ultimately the only thing of importance, is to see them in Christ and living for Him. And every other decision in parenting is subjected to that.

Now, I forgot to bring it up here, but I have in the back on the table there, I have a few copies of J.C. Ryle’s book, Christian Parenting. It’s a little green booklet. It’s a small book, a wonderful book. I have recommended it before. In fact, I distributed it here on a couple of occasions, I think. If you have not received one of those and you’ve not read it—or if you have received it and not read it—please read it. I don’t know what to say. For your own good, for your children’s good, please read that little book; it’s just one of the finest, one of the best things on Christian parenting that you will ever read. 200 years old, something like that. It’s just marvelous instruction. Please, please get that and please read it carefully. It’s one of those books parents should read every year.

Let me give you a quote from his book. This is point number four: “Train with this thought continually before your eyes that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered.” Let me read it again. “Train with this thought continually before your eyes that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. No interest should weigh with you so much as their eternal interests. Precious, no doubt, are these little ones in your eyes, but if you love them, think often of their souls. No interest should weigh with you so much as their eternal interests. No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The world with all its glory shall pass away, but the spirit which dwells in those little creatures whom you love so well shall outlive them all. And whether in happiness or misery, to speak as a man will depend on you. This is the thought that should be uppermost in your mind in all you do for your children, in every step you take about them, in every plan, in every scheme and arrangement that concerns them. Do not leave out that mighty question, how will this affect their souls?”

Now I said it last time, I’ll say it again, and I’m sure I’ll say it again in future messages: there are no guarantees in this life, and many a wise father has had a foolish son. We all recognize that the salvation of our children lies in the hands of a sovereign God. But it is nonetheless true that it is our responsibility, so far as we are able, to bring them up before Christ. And that has to be our overriding objective in all that we do. What I want for my children above everything else is to see my children safe and joyful in Jesus Christ.

Well, that in a nutshell is Ephesians 6:4, the second part of the verse: “Bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.” Now we’ll spend a good bit of time at the end of the message unpacking that in some specific observations and some specific exhortations as well. But I want to back up and give a broader picture of this in the Bible as well. Here we have it stated succinctly: here’s your responsibility. Bring up your children in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Now let’s look at some other passages of Scripture that speak to that in some way.

A Family Tradition Carried On

Look back at Deuteronomy chapter 4. You’ll remember the context here that the Israelites have come through the 40 years of wandering in the wilderness. They have been brought out of Egypt. They’ve spent their time as a result of their disobedience in the wilderness. They’ve come now to the edge of the promised land where they will be entering soon. Moses is giving his exhortations to them. He will not accompany them into the land. And here, let’s just look at, for now, verse 9. He’s telling them, be careful to remember what God has done for you. He’s brought you out of Egypt, out of your slavery. He’s led you through the wilderness. He’s provided for you. He’s proven himself good to you all of these years, so remember that. And then: “make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Teach your children what has happened. Don’t let this fade away. This is who we are. We are men and women who have been redeemed by God out of slavery.

You can see the New Testament connotations coming from this. We are men and women who have been redeemed by God out of the slavery of our sin. God has provided faithfully for us. He has given us His law. We must obey. We must live for Him. Teach that to your children and to your grandchildren. And don’t let them forget. Don’t you forget. Don’t let them forget. Make this a family tradition carried on and on to each next generation.

Turn the page; look to chapter 6. This is a very familiar passage in this regard. And here he elaborates more specifically on the parental duty. Deuteronomy 6, beginning with verse 1:

“Now this is the commandment, the statutes, and the rules that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it. That you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and commandments, which I command you all the days of your life, that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, they shall be as frontlets between your eyes, you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

So here, understand this: love God with all that you have. Fear God. Keep His commandments. And you keep reminding yourself always, again and again and again. When you sit down, when you get up, when you go to bed, when you wake up, when you go out, when you come back. The idea is all the time, all the time, all the time. And not just remind yourself as though you have frontlets with a scroll hanging down so you can read that as you walk. Not just reminding yourself, but teaching your children and your grandchildren the same over and over and over again. In other words, this instruction is to be a way of life; it is to be a life-shaping kind of instruction, and it is to be repeated over and over and continually.

Now, I don’t have time to expound on it, but glance quickly at Psalm 34. Here we have an example of David doing exactly this and teaching his children. Psalm 34. You’ll notice at the beginning of the psalm, verse one, we have a psalm of grateful praise: “I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” We have that psalm of grateful praise down through verse 10. When we get to verse 11, he attaches a homily. And here he exhorts his children: “Come, O children, listen to me and I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” So that’s the focus of his instruction: teaching them to fear God and what that means. He demonstrates and stresses the value of it in verse 12: “What man is there who desires life and loves many days that he may see good?” You want to have a successful life? You want to have a life that pays off? Listen to me. And then he begins to give specific areas of instruction, verses 13 and following: keep your tongue from evil, your lips from speaking deceit, turn away from evil, do good, seek peace and pursue it. And then he gives attending incentives and cautions, verses 15 and following: the Lord sees what you are doing, and if you live like the devil, it’s not going to pay off, but if you live for God, He blesses that. And he’s instructing his children in the ways of God, teaching them how to live. Maybe we can get to that in our expositions from the Psalms later.

Look over at Proverbs. This is one of my favorite illustrations of this in the Bible, where we have the sage, the wise man in Proverbs, teaching his sons, his children, the ways of wisdom, as it’s called here—the ways of God. Living life according to divine revelation is the wise thing to do. To forsake that revelation is the foolish thing to do. You live for God, it’s right and it’s wise and it pays off. You don’t live for God and the instruction that He’s given, it’s foolish and you hurt yourself and you end up being the loser. And these first nine chapters are not proverbs per se; they are lectures that the sage is giving to his children, and you’ll notice how it’s marked off. We have a series of several of them, and they’re marked off generally by the expression, “hear, my son,” or something like that, marking off each of these lectures.

So look at, just to mark it out for you, chapter one in verse eight: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” And here he then gets into this matter of two invitations and two refusals. The foolish and the wicked invite you to sin, and you’ve got to refuse it, and you’ve got to say no. Wisdom calls; don’t say no. If you refuse the call of wisdom, you’ll live to regret it.

So, “hear, my son,” chapter 1, verse 8. Chapter 2, verse 1: “My son,” here we have it again, and here he discusses wisdom’s rewards. If you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive, it’s going to pay off and you’ll have a blessed life. So, he’s giving us a warning here of foolishness, but he’s doing it in a positive way by stressing the rewards of wisdom and living according to the divine will.

Chapter 3, we have it again: “My son, do not forget my teaching.” So here he stresses the value and the responsibilities of wisdom. I can’t stop and expound that. You might remember a few years ago I gave a series of expositions through the first few chapters of Proverbs back during COVID. You can find them online if you would like.

You’ll find the next one, chapter 4, verse 1: “Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction.” Here is a marvelous section where he describes wisdom as a family tradition. Listen, listen, listen, children. I want you to hear what I’ve got to tell you. What I’m telling you as to how to live is something I found that pays off; and in fact, my father found the same, and he taught me and it paid off for him, and his father lived according to this wisdom and it paid off for him. This has been a family tradition, and you need to follow this wisdom; it’s well proven.

Chapter 4, verse 10, he starts another: “Hear, my son, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.” And here he contrasts wisdom with foolishness and commands to live wisely.

Chapter 4, verse 20, he begins another: “My son, be attentive to my words.” And here he describes wisdom as a way of life, how it affects every body part even. The way you use your hands, your eyes, and your heart, and all, and your ears, your feet. Wisdom: a way of life. He’s teaching his children how to live according to divine instruction.

Chapter 5, verse 1, begins another: “My son, be attentive to my wisdom.” And here he gives us instruction on marriage, wisdom in the marriage relationship. If you ever thought that the Bible is prudish with regard to sexual relations in marriage, read Proverbs chapter 5. I don’t know how to put it delicately, but his instruction there to his son is to say to keep from adultery, keep things lively at home. That’s the most delicate way I can paraphrase chapter 5. Some explicit language.

Chapter 6, he begins another lecture: “My son, if you have put up security for your neighbors…” We’ve got warnings here about various things you should not do. Use of your money—he warns against laziness, slothfulness, and so on.

Again, we have in chapter 6, verse 20, another: “My son, keep your father’s commandment, forsake not your mother’s teaching.” And here he gives us wisdom on sexual purity. It’s a heavy emphasis with his sons. It was needed in that day as much as it is ours.

Chapter 7: “My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you.” So we have another lecture, and he’s contrasting here the call of folly and the call of wisdom. You’ve got these two calls, and they’re pulling you in opposite directions, and he’s showing the folly of pursuing folly and the wisdom of pursuing wisdom. And so on it goes through these lectures. Chapters 7 and 8, we have that call; that’s an extended lecture there. We have kind of an epilogue then in chapter 9. We have these two rival feasts that are being offered.

Well, there’s a wonderful example of a parent teaching his child, and he almost takes him by the hand to various situations in life and says, “What are you going to do in this situation? If you choose this, that’s where that road goes. If you choose this direction, that’s where that road goes.” And he’s taking him carefully to consider the consequences of the choices that he’s going to have to make. A couple of sections in this, he takes him essentially to the red-light district. He said, “You choose that road, and that’s what’s going to happen. And you think it’s going to be fun, and it’s not; it’s going to end up to be hurtful. You choose this road and you’ll be blessed.” And he takes him through various situations in life and teaches his child carefully: think through these choices before you’re faced with them and choose wisely. Well, that’s a wonderful model. I have always encouraged parents to look through those chapters thoughtfully and carefully and apply it to your own teaching of your children.

One more passage. Let’s look at 2 Timothy chapter 1. Paul makes an interesting remark here, it’s well known, in verse 5, where he writes to Timothy and says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” So he’s pointing back that you’ve had a family tradition of faith. “Mother, your grandmother before her, they have followed the Lord, and now I see that same faith in you.”

And now look at chapter 3, the famous passage, verses 16 and 17, on the inspiration of Scripture—an important passage. Often overlooked is the previous verses where Paul makes it very personal with Timothy: “As for you,” verse 14, “as for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believe, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

Now we have only a glimpse here, with this and the verse from chapter 1, only a glimpse into the home life of Timothy. But we’re not given any details. But it seems clearly to reflect what we have seen already in Deuteronomy 6, Deuteronomy 4, Proverbs chapters 1 through 9, and it seems to be an exemplary kind of situation that he’s presenting for us, and in a sense reflects Ephesians 6:4 that we’ve read. Bringing up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The only point that’s stressed here, specifically, is that Timothy was taught the Scriptures from his youth. From his youth, from the time he could understand them, he was taught the Scriptures. From his mother and grandmother’s influence, he learned the Scriptures and now is following Christ as a believer as well. It’s a wonderful thing. It’s a family tradition. It’s like Proverbs chapter 4 that I mentioned, where the sage there speaks of the wisdom as a family tradition. That’s my testimony. It’s the testimony of many of you brought up in a Christian home. In the Zaspel home, it was actually Uncle Ezra, my grandmother’s uncle, who brought the gospel to the Zaspel family. And my grandparents came to Christ, and they led their kids to Christ. My parents faithfully led us to Christ. I’ve tried to do the same with mine. Jimmy now with his wonderful family tradition. And that’s what we see with Timothy, and that is what he’s exhorted in all of these.

All right. In all of that, then, our point is simply to stress that this is the role that God has given you. He’s assigned it to you as parents. Now, having looked at that broad splashing of passages on the subject, let’s draw some observations and some applications in the time that remains.

Observations and Applications

This first one, and there are seven of them, first one is, we can do very quickly, and I’ve already said it, but I want to put the stress on one particular word.

Number one, discipleship of your children is your responsibility. And underline the word your. Discipleship of your children is your responsibility. Church is an essential part of that. I’ll say more about that in a minute, but it’s not enough. Discipleship of your children is your responsibility. Your children must hear from you the gospel that you profess. And not just on Sunday morning. They must hear it when you get up, when you go to bed, when you go out, when you come back. All the time, this is what is to shape your relationship with your children. That was Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. Bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. That was Deuteronomy chapter 6. Teach it to him all the time, all the time, all the time. This is Proverbs 1 to 9, where the sage takes his child to one scenario after another and guides him in decision-making in life. And that’s the example we have with Timothy. Parents, it is your responsibility. Don’t leave it to the Sunday school teachers and to the pastors. It is your responsibility to teach your children. Do it diligently and do it conscientiously.

Number two, and I’ve already said this, but here again I’ll underline one word: this discipleship of your children is your primary responsibility as parents. One commentator on Deuteronomy 6 made a wonderful observation. He says, “What we teach our children is an index of what we value most.” When the burden of your instruction to your children is—pick it: your hobby, sports, amusements, career—and the burden of it is not the Scriptures, you’re showing what you value more. It is your primary responsibility to lead them for Christ. It’s not your primary responsibility to give them the most toys. It’s not your responsibility to provide the most fun. I hope you do all of that. It is your primary responsibility to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. And that will determine all the choices that you make. It’ll determine the activities that you allow. It’ll determine what schools you let them attend. It’ll determine what church you go to, what you watch on the television. It’ll determine the conversations that you have. This is your primary responsibility to guide them in the nurture and the admonition of Christ.

Number three, discipling your children is a consistent and constant process. I’ve emphasized this already. It’s not just Sunday school, and it’s not just the corporate meetings of the church, and it’s not just a formal family worship time. All of those are essential. It’s not hit-and-miss. It is all the time. Deuteronomy makes that point so clear. When you get up, when you come back, when you go out, when you come in, all the time, all the time—this is the shaping consideration in your parenting.

There’s an interesting thing in the Old Testament in particular. I’ve always thought that it’s so telling on our responsibilities as parents where God will command certain festivals or certain memorials to be erected. And he states the purpose. Several times in the Old Testament you find this: “So that,” and there you have the purpose of it, “erect this monument or observe this festival, this holiday. So that when your children ask you, ‘What’s the meaning of this?’ you’ve got the open door.” Well, we were slaves of Egypt and God redeemed us out with a mighty hand. He made us His, He gave us His law, we live for Him, and we live under His blessing as we live for Him. And that is the model of Christian parenting. Make it a way of life. You’re never done. You never set it aside and say, “Okay, I’m done with that. We finished that. Now we can go on to other things.” This is a consistent and constant process.

So, for example, while you’re watching television—if you watch television. Kim and I have given up television. It’s hardly been a happier decision in our life. It either insults your intelligence or your sanctity or both. And you find yourself being so much more productive. But if you watch television and your children are with you, watch discerningly and don’t let anything get by that doesn’t need checking. Whether it’s the newscast or a television show, or what used to be considered innocent Disney movies. Check it. All the time, all the time, bringing God’s Word to bear on everything you see and everything that you hear.

You have customs at your home. You pray before your meals. Explain to your children why we do that. Why do we pray? God provides this for us. God gave me this job and we’re giving thanks. You talk to your children about your experiences at work. You talk to them about your witnessing experiences at work. You talk to them about the confrontations you’ve had at work because you’re a Christian. Let them know the stand that you’ve taken and the faithfulness that you’ve shown. Warn them of dangers at school, warn them of dangers in the neighborhood, warn them about what classmates will say, what kids in the neighborhood will say. It might even be warn them about some of your relatives may say. And at every point you’re preempting and you’re looking ahead and you’re guiding them in the choices that will confront them and you’re teaching them as well as you can ahead of time to respond in keeping with God’s Word.

You make certain restrictions on them at home. You can do this, you can’t do that. Explain to them why. I’ve never been a big fan of answering kids when they say “Why?” with “Because I said so, that’s why.” But in terms of giving the instructions and giving the commands and setting the restrictions, explain why. Explain, “This is why we do this and this is why we don’t do the other.” It might be a particular activity that your child wants to attend. And you have to ask the question: what is more likely that will happen there? Foolishness or wisdom? Let’s answer that and then we’ll decide whether or not you can go. The idea then is to keep the home Christ-centered and biblically informed at every point.

Number four: discipleship must be central to all of life. And what I mean by that is it is all-encompassing. One of the most pernicious pressures of contemporary society is for us to marginalize our religion. We become so crowded with so many different things. Religion, Bible study, prayer, teaching, preaching—well, whatever goes with it—religion, it gets put off to one corner. So, “Okay, that’s Sunday morning.” There’s been a slippery, slimy way to push that into our society more recently. It’s on a different level. But the language has changed. We have always believed in the freedom of religion. And today, the left is pushing the “freedom of worship.” And that’s a sly change. “Yeah, you can go to your church and you can worship as you like, but there are aspects of your religion that might be prohibited in our society.”

And on the family level, it becomes the same thing. We become so crowded with so many other things that religious instruction—discipling your children—becomes marginalized. It’s Sunday morning. Or it’s, “Okay, we have a Bible reading time now,” and that’s a big step better. And then we have this instruction at that appointed time, and all of that is essential. But our point here is that this is to be all-encompassing. When you go out, when you come in, when you go to bed, when you wake up—all day, this is to shape life. Life is centered around Christ. That is the nature of Christian discipleship. And here for parents, it means that we are always on it, and we’re always on point. Doesn’t mean that we don’t have fun and play games, and we don’t do things that have activities and all that. We do all of that stuff, of course. But in all that we do, we keep in mind that this is our goal, first of all, to direct them to Christ. And that means that we’re going to give directions for what to do. It also means we’re going to impose restrictions. This is what you can’t do, and this is why. And it also means that you’re going to have to be careful how you live and how you talk. You cannot, you cannot teach your children one thing and live another. It’ll never work.

Number five: disciple-making in the home is the normal means of childhood conversion. I’ve mentioned before, there are exceptions. All that is in God’s hands. But it is nonetheless the fact that disciple-making in the home is the normal means of childhood conversion. Now, I’m not sure how to determine whether specific professions of faith occur more in the privacy of the home or in response to a particular service in the church after a particular sermon. Many a child has come to dad and mom at night and has said, “Mom,” and expressed their concerns about their soul. Many of you have experienced that with your children. Others have responded after a particular message that they’ve heard preached and go to their parents. I’m not sure how to count where more happens, but it is overwhelmingly clear that the influence of the home is massive in bringing the child to that point. The influence of the home is massive in bringing the child to that point. That’s the normal means. It’s the usual means.

That was Timothy’s testimony. That was my testimony. It’s the testimony of many of you as well. It’s the implication of Proverbs chapters one to nine. It’s the implication of Proverbs 22 that we saw last time just briefly: “train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he’s old, he’s not depart from it.” It’s a happy prospect, and it ought to be powerfully encouraging to you as you try to focus, and focus, and focus, and keep at it, and keep at the discipleship of your children. It ought to be powerfully encouraging to you that this is the normal means God uses to bring our children to Christ.

Let’s look at one verse in that regard. Look at 1 Corinthians 7. 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Now here in this passage Paul is dealing with the question of divorce. That’s the topic at hand. In particular in this passage he’s dealing with the question of divorce when a believer finds himself or herself married to an unbeliever. There’s this mixed marriage that’s happening. That’s the context of this. I’m not going to deal with that, of course, but verse 14 addresses the question of children. He’s speaking of the unbelieving… here in this case we have a believing wife, and it says, “…for the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.” Now what does that mean? It does not mean that they’re saved simply because they’re there, or they’re saved by extension. But it obviously means that they have a particular advantage now by the presence of a believer in the home. Now, the last part of the verse is one that our Presbyterian friends like to use for infant baptism: “Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” I can’t find any water anywhere in that verse. And we’ll have to deal with that another time, but I think the meaning is clear. It’s the same as the first part of the verse, that they are made holy in the sense that they are set apart with a particular advantage that they have by the presence of a believer in the home. And so again, it’s this point that this should be encouraging to us: that the presence of a believer in the home and nurturing your children accordingly is the normal means of childhood conversion. This is why God has given us those children, and it is our responsibility to teach them accordingly. Of course you can’t convert them—there are no guarantees—but this is our goal, and we ought to recognize that we have a real advantage here, that from their youth, God can take the Scriptures that we give them and bring them to life.

Number six: we must never underestimate the value and the power of Scripture. We must never underestimate the value and the power of Scripture in the home and in the church. The dominating influence of the Bible is just inestimable. What was it that brought Timothy to faith in Christ? It was the teaching of the Scriptures. Paul makes that point explicitly. In all the passages that we’ve looked at previously, they drive us to the same point: that using the Scriptures, teaching them—this is our common testimony to each of us—that there’s the Scriptures that made us wise to salvation. Christian parents too often undervalue the power and the effectiveness of God’s Word in the lives of their children. And I say that because there’s often a lack of the instruction of Scriptures in the home, and even a lack of attendance in the public meetings of the church. God has told us many times over that this is the chief of the means of grace that God can use. Yes, the Spirit must work, but the Spirit does not work apart from the Word. It is the Spirit and the Word, and the Spirit through the Word. And if that is so, then there ought to be a consistent emphasis in your home in teaching the Scriptures to your kids. And at every time you ought to be reminding yourself: this is the means that God uses to save. This is the means that God uses to save.

And so you read, and you study, and you discuss it, and you memorize. There’s an art that’s about gone: memorizing Scripture. I remember some years ago speaking to a lady in a church and suggesting that they should have some Scripture memory at home, teaching their children to memorize Scripture. And her response just—it just floored me. “Our kids don’t have time for that. They’re too busy with baseball.” I love baseball. I love it. Oh, so what are you thinking?

I was talking—this is some years ago now—but I was talking to a professor that I’d had in undergraduate work. And I don’t know how we got to this subject, but I guess he was talking about the difference of students that he was teaching today rather than students, he said, “in your day when you were there.” He said, “Fred, when you were in class, in that generation, when I would teach the Scriptures”—he would teach through Romans or whatever it is—he said, “I could start quoting a verse and inevitably the class would respond quoting it in unison.” He said, “That never, never happens now; never happens.” That’s a failure on our part, the part of parents. Expose your children continuously to the saving influences of the Scripture. Make the Scripture the ground of everything you’re doing and everything that you’re teaching. Saturate their minds with the Scripture. Know the gospel, learn it yourself, teach your children accordingly.

Number seven: do not ignore the normal appointed means of grace. Do not ignore the normal, appointed means of grace. Now the means of grace, of course, are primarily the Word of God and prayer in the home as a way of life. But here I want to emphasize particular and apply it with regard to the church and church attendance. It is central in the Christian life; it is an appointed means of grace.

Let’s take the time—I’m sorry we’re late. Look very quickly at Hebrews chapter 10, a very familiar passage. Hebrews chapter 10, verses 24 and 25. Remember, the writer here is warning of apostasy, of those who have considered going back—come to faith in Christ, a professed faith, and they’re tempted to go back because of the various reasons here. And it’s in that context he exhorts us:

“Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

So again, in the context of apostasy, you have to exhort one another to stay in the faith, and part of that is you don’t neglect the corporate meetings of the church. Now, to understand this verse, I think, well, we should take a cue from Benjamin Warfield; his take on this verse, I think, just opens it up. He’s exactly right. He suggests that we don’t really understand this command until we look at that one phrase: “as the habit of some is.” So, “not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some.” And Warfield suggests we really can’t understand this verse until we picture in our minds the writer as he writes it. And you see his lip curl. He snarls a bit. Who are these people who are so supremely holy and so supremely secure that they don’t need the appointed means of grace that God has given for all of us? This is what God has appointed for us all.

And I have to say it—I’ve seen it over the years too many times—that families give themselves to every activity under the sun and the appointed means of grace becomes of secondary importance, and it shows in the kids. I remember one time speaking to a man: “Where’s the family?” “Oh, it’s Sunday night.” “Where’s the family?” “Oh, they had homework to do.” Homework. What about Friday night, Saturday, Sunday afternoon? “Oh, they were playing.” And it goes on and on, and finally you tell him: “I got to tell you, man, you’re going to regret it down the road. You’re going to see your kids with not half the interest in Christ that you have. You have to blame yourself. You’re leading them astray.” And you know, there are times, years later, you look back and you think, “I’d love to be wrong. Love to be wrong on that.” But you ignore God’s appointed means of grace, and it tells. And sometimes you look at families and you think, “Why? Why would you do that to your kids? Take them by the hand and lead them away.”

A good sign, I think, to put up on the wall of every home—probably best in your children’s bedrooms—for you to remember it: “What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” I’ve been in church all my life, all my life. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived long enough in ministry to see it. You can’t ignore the normal appointed means of grace and get by with it. Are there exceptions? Church in town—of course there are exceptions. There are all kinds of exceptions. But questions like that are so easily solved if we keep uppermost in our mind: what I want most of all is to see my child safe and joyful in Christ. That’s what I’m after. And you make your decisions accordingly.

Let me apply it one other way, just briefly, and that is with this question of children attending services in the church with their parents. It’s kind of a distinctive of Reformed Baptist churches. We don’t have children’s church. We don’t talk about it a lot, but there is a reason for that. If you want to look back at Ephesians chapter 6, I like to go there when I have this discussion with people. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” To whom was that written? Who is Paul talking to at that point? He’s talking to the children, right? And so here we have the congregation in public worship. They’ve received a letter from the Apostle Paul, and the congregation is going to hear it read, and Paul takes time to address the children in the congregation. The presumption is the children are with the parents in the worship service, and why wouldn’t they be? If the impact of corporate worship is that important for us, why wouldn’t it be for them? Of course it’s that. The value of hearing the Word of God preached.

And by the way, little children pick up a lot more than you give them credit for. Part of the problem, of course, is we haven’t disciplined our children in the modern day. We don’t know how to keep them quiet, and it becomes a struggle. But we can work on that. We can deal with it. And I’m glad to be patient with parents who are. But kids pick up more than you expect. I remember a year or so ago, our little grandson was six, and Marina is teaching him something from the Bible. She’s reading a psalm to him. She asked him a question about the psalm, and she said, “Well, why is this?” And he says, “It’s a lament psalm.”

Listen to the sermon together. The impact of your children seeing you in corporate worship, singing joyfully; the impact on your children to see you engaging in the Word, talking about the Word afterwards on the way home, is just enormous. Don’t rob them of it. Well, I’m sorry I’ve gone so long. Samuel Bolton, Puritan, on his deathbed said, “I do believe not one of my children will dare to meet me before the tribunal of Christ in an unregenerate state.” That’s what we’re after. Nothing less. Don’t lose sight of that. Amen. Let’s pray.