Church: Reformed Baptist Church of Franconia | Text: — | Date: June 24, 2011 | Speaker: Fred Zaspel

Introduction

All right, Ephesians chapter six. Now keep your finger there, but look back to Psalm 34. Psalm 34:11: “Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” What a great theme for parents, huh? “Come, children, listen to me. I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” That’s it in a nutshell. I will teach you. I will teach you by instruction. I’ll teach you by example and modeling it myself. Watch me, listen to me. I’ll teach you what it is to orient yourself rightly before God. All right, there’s a theme verse. If we have time, we’ll come back to that in a minute, or in a little while.

Ephesians chapter six now, Ephesians chapter six. And I think we’ll just for now look at verse four. Tomorrow morning, we’ll look at verses one through four. This evening, just verse four: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Let’s look to the Lord in prayer. Lord, we need your help. For our children’s sake, we ask that you would help. We pray that you’ll give us a mind to hear your word, to be shaped by it, that we may bring up our children successfully, not only for our happiness and theirs, but for your glory. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

All right, the last half of verse four. Here is our responsibility in a nutshell: “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” or the nurture and admonition of the Lord. These two words, the nurture and admonition, or the discipline and instruction of the Lord, have to do with everything that goes into rearing a child: teaching, instruction, correction, rebuke, pointing in the way they should go, telling them what they should not do as well as what they should do. The nurture and admonition or the discipline and instruction of what? Of the Lord.

So there’s the framework. Here’s our job as parents. We bring them up in the discipline and instruction of God. And this then entails in it the whole range of biblical instruction regarding faith and life: how to behave, what to do, what not to do, why we do this, why we don’t do that, what we believe, why we believe it, why we don’t believe and we do not agree with what the world teaches in so many areas, how they can be saved, why they need salvation—all of the positive and negative instruction, all of the commands, all of the rebukes, all of the do’s and don’ts, the rights and wrongs, the trues and the falses. All of that is entailed in God’s teaching for us; we bring them up to live in that world.

We teach them a worldview that is Christian. We teach them to think as Christians. We teach them God’s demands on us, his requirements of us, how to live. We teach them what their goals ought to be as Christians, what are Christian ambitions, ideals, how should life be shaped, what is Christian behavior, what is unchristian behavior? A faith and life that pleases God. A life rightly oriented to God. Bring them up with an understanding of the full spectrum of Christian teaching as it bears on their faith and their life. The nurture and admonition of the Lord. Show them how to have a faith and a life that pleases God. That’s your goal.

Your Responsibilities as a Parent

So here we have a summary statement of what it is to be a Christian parent. You bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. You teach them this is who God is, this is who we are. And because God is who he is and because we are what we are, here’s how we behave. Here’s what we do. Here are things that we don’t do. The point is you bring them up to live for Jesus. Put simply, that’s it. You bring them up to live for Jesus. And so in verse 4b, we have something of a summary statement of your responsibilities as a parent. God has entrusted these little ones to your care. Now, very simply, you must return them to God. That’s it. Teach them to live for him.

Now you might suspect when you see the title, you might suspect that I’ve overstated it a bit. To save our children? I thought God does the saving. We can’t save anyone, can we? But I stated it that way deliberately and I took my cue from the Apostle Paul, if you’d like to look at it sometime, 1 Timothy 4:16, where he exhorts Timothy, “Take heed to yourself and your doctrine, for in doing this, you will both save yourself and those who hear you.” Now, Paul knows, if anybody knows, that only God does the saving, but this is the pastor’s role. Give heed to yourself and to your doctrine, and in doing this, you’ll save yourself and those who hear. This is the means God uses in reaching others.

Applied to parents, same thing. This is what God has ordered for you: to become the means of His saving your children. That and nothing less is your goal. When God gives you a child—first child, second child—when God gives you a child, your first aim in your thinking is: I want above all things to see this boy, to see this girl, bow in reverence before the Lord Jesus, trust in Him, and be saved and live for Him. That’s what we’re after.

Now I want to impress that on your minds. Again, it’s not that you disagree; I know you don’t. But we can lose focus, can’t we? And we become distracted with the daily routine. We become distracted with all of the things that we want for our children, want them to be involved in, and so on. But I want to impress this on your minds and your hearts just as firmly as I can. Your first responsibility is not to make sure that your kids have the best toys. Your first responsibility is not to be sure that your children have the best, most stylish clothing to make sure they’re “in.” That’s not your first job. Your first job is not to make sure that your children are active in all of the extracurricular activities that are available for them, so many of which are wonderful. That’s not your first goal.

Uppermost in your mind must be the sober recognition that your goal, your responsibility as a Christian before God, your responsibility is to bring these children up to live for him. That’s your goal. Everything else is incidental to that. And that must be the consideration that shapes all the choices that you make, all the decisions that you make. This is the center from which we’re working in everything else. I want to see my children saved. I want to see my children saved. I keep this thought continually before my eyes. Remember we saw that with J.C. Ryle last time? That’s their soul that is most important. And I work out from that center. I want most of all, above everything else, to see my children saved. I cannot bear the thought of my children perishing under the condemnation of God. I can’t bear that thought. And I’m going to give myself in all of my parenting, influencing all of the decisions and choices that I make, influencing all my behavior at home and what we do at home, what we don’t do at home. This is going to be the deciding factor. I want to see my children come to Christ. That’s what I want. That’s what we’re after.

Now, I’m going to stress this a little bit more and scratch an itch. And I hope you don’t think I’m being legalistic in this. When I get through it, I think you’ll see my point. I’ve grown up in the church. My dad was a pastor. I spent my whole life in the church. I’ve been in ministry myself long enough, not only to have seen it and seen second generations, but I’ve been in long enough to have warned parents, to see them not take the warning and see their children fail, to see them with Christless grandchildren, and to see them take the counsel that God gives and see the benefits from it. I’ve been around, I’ve seen it, and one of the mistakes that Christian parents have made too often in this regard is that they find somehow their first ambition is to make sure their children are involved in all of the activities that interest them. Fun, sports, the arts, entertainments, whatever kind—and I’m not against any of them. But they give themselves to that in a way that takes priority over this first mission of seeing my children come to Christ. And they make choices that tell in their children’s lives.

For example, I remember one man in our church years ago, years ago now. One Sunday he came to church, the family wasn’t there, and they’re close friends, good family. Otherwise, “Oh, where’s the family today?” expecting to hear that they are away vacationing or something. Or it’s a family day, all the kids had homework to do. What do you say? Is homework important? Of course it’s important. My response was, “You have just taught your children that it’s more important to them to play on Saturday afternoon than it is to go to church on Sunday morning.” They’ll learn that. And if you’re not careful with that, they’ll learn it really well and it’ll tell. He and I had that conversation several times over the years.

There’ve been times I’ve had to be blunt with parents and say, “Look, you keep on like this, you’re going to take your children away from God. And when it happens, you will know who to blame every time you look in the mirror. I’m telling you, get on this.” And I’ve been at it long enough to say, to think, I wish I were wrong. It doesn’t take a prophet to say two plus two equals four. It doesn’t take a prophet to say this behavior teaches them that and they’ll end up in that. And like I said, I’ve been around long enough to have seen it.

And so parents will want to put the kid in baseball. I love baseball; it’s my favorite sport. Believe me, I’m not against baseball. I’m all for your kids being in baseball, it’s great. But then it comes time for a baseball game Sunday morning. You’ve got a choice to make. Whether you know it or not, you are teaching your children priorities. Who matters more, God or baseball? I know, I felt this myself. My son, it wasn’t baseball, he was in the martial arts. And we loved it. I took it with him for a long time. And we loved getting in the ring and whatnot. He was young at the time, so obviously I wasn’t in the ring with him. I was in the ring with the instructor and getting beat up. But I remember when we first got into it, the first competition was a Saturday afternoon. We went and Jim got his trophy. It was a lot of fun. Came to find out that was an exception. All of the tournaments are Sundays, Sunday mornings. We’re not going. We’re not going. Well, then they had one Sunday afternoon, but it starts at noon. Well, maybe we can get there late. So between church and the afternoon, we’re running out the door. I’m not getting into this. I am not going down this road. I want my son, when he grows up, to know that there are clear choices to make and that certain things don’t matter.

It might be the same of taking a job, a part-time job that makes you work every Sunday morning. Do you really need that job? You’re teaching your children. Again, I hope you don’t think I’m being legalistic about it. I’m just telling you that the choices that you make in these kinds of things are teaching your children priorities. And what you want is to teach them that God is first. You want to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to see that Dad and Mom make choices that keep God first. None of these things that I’ve mentioned, it seems to me at least, none of these examples that I’ve mentioned are even a question if uppermost in your mind is the thought: I want to bring my children up for Christ. What I want, first of all, is to see my children come to Christ. That’s what I’m after. Everything else is incidental.

So again, this will determine choices that you make. This will determine decisions you make at home. This will determine what kind of television you watch, what kind of movies you watch. This is the deciding factor. I’m going to bring my children up as best as I’m able in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. So again, J.C. Ryle: train your children with this thought continually before your eyes, that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. And then he says, no interest should weigh with you so much as their eternal interests.

In India, there is a custom. In some religions there, they will throw their babies into the river, sacrificing them to the gods. Now, of course, we think that’s just an awful thing, but I’ve seen too many times, in essence, Christian parents doing the same thing—giving up their children to other gods, and their souls are lost. You don’t want that. You can’t, ultimately, you can’t save them. But as much as lies in you, you must become the means that God uses to their salvation, and you certainly then don’t want to introduce anything into the equation that would steer them away from God. And so, thinking first, what I want for my children above everything else is to see them safe in Christ. That’s what guides me. That’s what determines decisions that I make. And so, Psalm 34:11: “Come my children, I’ll teach you the fear of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4: “Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” And again, I’ve had to tell parents and warn them: you neglect this, it’ll tell and you’ll live to regret it. And I tell you, I would love to be wrong. I would love to be wrong. I can think of one exception in my ministry where I’ve given the warning and it looked like I was right for the longest time and God wonderfully intervened and saved the son. One exception. You want to bank on those odds? All right, keep the first things first.

Biblical Commands and Examples

Now let’s look at some biblical commands in this regard. Let’s start with the Old Testament. Let’s look at Deuteronomy chapter four. Deuteronomy chapter four. I don’t want to be negative in all of this, but I do want to give these warnings. Frankly, they’re needed. We need these reminders. But now, looking at these passages, we can find more of the positive instruction in this regard. And let’s just look at some biblical commands and some biblical examples of bringing up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Deuteronomy chapter four, and here we have Moses commanding the children of Israel to their faithfulness to God. And in the opening verses, he’s telling them that they must obey the word that has been given to them, obey the commandments. Verse five: “I’ve taught you these statutes and rules, you must keep them.” And now look at verse nine. It’s in that context, verse nine: “Only take care and keep your soul diligently lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen.” That is in the Exodus and then the wilderness wanderings. “Lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children, how that on the day that you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, and the Lord said to me, gather the people to me that I may let them hear my words so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth and that they may teach their children so. And you came near and stood at the foot of the mountain while the mountain burned with fire to the heart of the heaven, wrapped in darkness, cloud and gloom. The Lord spoke to you out of the midst of the fire,” and so on. Make sure, verse nine, teach your children this. That is, make sure when you’re bringing up your children, you tell them, “We were slaves in Egypt. God brought us out.”

All right, Deuteronomy chapter six. Deuteronomy six. I’ll begin with verse one: “Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the rules that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going to possess it. That you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s sons, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life and that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, that you may multiply greatly as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you in a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and your soul and all of your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. And you’ll teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, they shall be as frontlets between your eyes, you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” You get the idea? Continuously, continuously, teach these things to your children. We’ll come back to that in a little bit.

Look back at Exodus chapter 12. Exodus chapter 12. The context here is the Passover. They’re about to leave Egypt. We’re about to come to the 10th plague and the death of your firstborn and the instructions concerning the Passover lamb to be slain, the blood put on the doorposts and all of that, all of that instruction is being given. And then verse, let’s pick it up with verse 26: “And when your children say to you,” now he’s telling you this is to be a continual practice, a rite that you’re to observe every year. “And when your children say to you, ‘What do you mean by this service?’ You shall say, ‘It is the sacrifice of the Lord’s Passover, for he passed over the houses of the people of Israel in Egypt, and he struck the Egyptians but spared our houses,’ and the people bowed their heads and worshiped.” Every year, observe this Passover feast, and part of the ritual is the child asks the father, “What’s this all about?” And the father responds, “We were slaves in Egypt. With a mighty hand, God brought us out. We had to put blood on the doorposts, and those with the blood on the doorposts were spared.”

I’ve often wondered—I’ve never done this—but I’ve often wondered how effective this might be if at a communion service, all families got together, and before we observe the Lord’s Supper, have the children ask Dad, “What’s this all about?” And Dad responds, “We were slaves in our sin; God bought us out with the blood of his son, the Lord Jesus. And this is to remember him and what he’s done for us.”

I would like to take the time to go through Proverbs chapters one through nine. I don’t have the time for that, but just to give you a quick overview of something to look at there. The book of Proverbs, as I’ve alluded to already this evening, contains these brief pithy sayings of condensed wisdom. They’re called Proverbs. Now the Proverbs proper don’t begin until Chapter 10. You’ll see then, perhaps Chapter 10, the statement heads it off, “The Proverbs of Solomon.” There begin the Proverbs. In Proverbs 1 through 9, we don’t have proverbial sayings. What we have is a series of 10 lectures given by this sage to his son. And here’s this godly man bringing his son in and saying, “Look, I want to teach you.” A nice microcosm of it is Proverbs chapter 4, where the title is something like “Wisdom, a Family Tradition.” And the man sits down with his father and says, “I’m going to teach you what my father taught me. This has proved valuable in our family.” And the point of it all is: pursue wisdom, pursue wisdom, pursue wisdom. The value of wisdom, the surpassing value of wisdom. And he’ll even take the child into—I’m sure this is the growing child now—but he takes him to various parts in the city and he shows him the red-light district. He says, “See that? You see that guy going in with her? His end is hell.” Powerful, isn’t it? Proverbs 1 through 9 is this list of these 10 lectures that the sage is giving to his son. Work through them. Work through them carefully. And here’s the instruction you should give your children as well. And you’ll be amazed at how practical that is. Pursue wisdom. Pursue wisdom. Above all, guard your heart and pursue wisdom. The theme of Proverbs 1 through 9. Maybe a good subject for some lectures from some Old Testament scholar some year: a series on the home from Proverbs 1 through 9.

One more, look at the New Testament this time, 2 Timothy chapter 1. 2 Timothy chapter 1. Verse 5, Paul says to Timothy, “I’m reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother, Lois, and your mother, Eunice, and now I am sure dwells in you as well.” What a wonderful thing. That’s my testimony. The faith that I have belonged as well to my parents before me, my dad’s parents before him. It’s a great story. My grandparents, my dad’s parents, were not believers. My dad was a little boy—this would have been in the early to mid-thirties. And Uncle Ezra—I never met the man, but I heard about him a lot—but my dad’s great uncle, Ezra, was a Christian man. And my dad’s parents were not, but they loved Uncle Ezra; he was a great guy from what I hear. And one day he came over to the house; he says, “Fred,” that’s my grandfather’s name, “Fred, I want you and Beulah to come to the special meetings we’re having at church.” Oh boy, you know, this is what we wanted. But because it’s Uncle Ezra and they love Uncle Ezra, Grandpa said, “All right, I’ll go with you.”

He went to the service that evening. My grandfather had been brought up in a Lutheran tradition. And during the course of the sermon, the pastor said something to the effect of, “Don’t think that just because you were baptized as a baby, you’re a Christian.” Well, my grandfather’s German. And the fact is you can tell a German, but you can’t tell him much. And they gave an altar call in those days. And Grandpa went forward—not to be saved. He went forward to do battle with the preacher. That was his first mistake. And for hours that night afterwards, they’re in a room together—the pastor, the evangelist who was there, and my grandfather—arguing over this until finally, I forget what broke him, what the Lord used to break him. My grandfather literally went to his knees and wept his way into the kingdom.

Came home that night. My grandmother had been brought up in the old Methodist tradition. She remembered the old revival services that they’d have. So he comes in—and my grandmother’s Irish; German and Irish. It was only the grace of God that kept them together all of those years. She was every stereotype of Irish rolled into one. He was every stereotype of German rolled into one. He gets home late. She’s up waiting for him and has some very pleasant words waiting for him. She says, “What happened? Did you get converted?” “Yes, I did. And Sunday you’re going with me to church and you’re gonna get converted too.” And don’t you know, God had it just that way. And in the course of time, all of their children came to Christ. My dad among them. His children as well. This testimony of Timothy is one that I think is just a marvelous thing. That’s what you want. Wherever you find yourself in this, whether you’re second generation, third, or first, this is what you want to see, right?

And so Paul doesn’t give us any particulars here in verse five, but if you look at chapter three, he gives us a little bit more. Chapter three, verse 14: “But for you continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” Here we have just a glimpse, but the point is stressed that Timothy from the time he was a child learned the scriptures, which are able to make him wise to salvation through faith in Christ. So as it’s been said, capturing it this way, “Timothy took in the scriptures with his mother’s milk.” That’s what you want, right? From the earliest years. That’s my testimony. Before I got home from the hospital, I’d heard the gospel. I heard the gospel a thousand times before I could even understand words. And this is what God uses.

General Observations from These Commands and Examples

Now, let’s draw some general observations from these commands and examples.

Number one, religious instruction must be a constant process. It must be a constant process, not just Sunday morning church, not just Sunday morning church and the occasional formal family worship, not just Sunday morning church and every night family worship. It’s more continual than that. It’s when you’re lying down, when you’re standing up, when you’re going, when you’re coming. You’ve got these reminders written on your hand. Remember that in Deuteronomy? The thing hanging between your eyes, plaques on the walls, plaques on the gates. You get the point? Whether that’s to be interpreted literally or as hyperbole, you get the point, right? This is to be all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time. It’s a continual process.

What you teach your children is an index of what you value the most. And what God is saying, especially in those Deuteronomy passages, what must be valued most is God’s instruction. And so all the time, all the time, all the time, you’re bringing the scriptures to bear on their lives. In other words, then, you make scripture a way of life. You’re never done. You never say, “Okay, well, I’ve taught them the Bible, I’m done with that.” But all the time, all the time, all the time.

So, when you’re driving the car together, it’s not always this. Sometimes there’s joking and there’s fun and other things as well. I understand that. But characteristically, what’s happening all the time, all the time? You say, “Hey, what’s your Sunday school verse, Johnny, for last Sunday? Say it.” You bring it up. If you’re going through a catechism, bring up one of the questions. Talk about it. Work it over. Explain to your children. Not only pray before you eat, but explain why you pray before you eat. Explain to them why you watch certain TV programs and not certain other ones, certain movies and not others. Explain to them why certain kinds of friends are what they want and certain kinds are not. Bring the Bible to bear on all of life. Warn them about the dangers at school, warn them about the dangers in the neighborhood—moral, spiritual dangers. Teach them why it is we follow the Lord, why it is we do these religious things. All the time, all the time bringing things to bear from the scriptures to life.

Number two, religious instruction must be central to all of life. Not just one slice of their education; it must be central to all of life. It’s not that you have, say, a pie with all of these various slices dividing up their life, and religion is one of them. That’s not it. At the center is religion. At the center is teaching them the fear of the Lord and how that works out in all of these other areas of life.

I doubt, I seriously doubt that all of this in Deuteronomy 6 that we read about—talking to them about the commands of God, talking about the Word of God when you’re going, when you’re coming, when you’re standing, when you’re sitting, when you’re sleeping, when you’re waking up, when you’re putting signs on the walls and notes on your hands—I doubt that all of that means simply talk about the Bible all the time. I rather think what it means is you bring the Bible to bear on all of life. And that’s why it’s all the time, all the time, all the time.

It would be wonderful for your children to hear you say, “Well, at work I was witnessing to so-and-so today,” and you’re bringing the Bible to bear on our responsibility to be a witness for the Lord. It would be wonderful if that witnessing gets you in trouble at work. It’d be wonderful for your children to hear that: “Dad made a difficult choice for the sake of Christ.” That’s good. Again, when it comes to the moment of obedience—we’ll talk about this tomorrow—when it comes to the moment, I don’t want, when I tell my children to do something, I don’t want them coming back at me with, “Why?” We’ll talk about that tomorrow. But ahead of time at least, I want to be instructing my children, “This is the way we live. This is what we do and this is why.” And you bring the Bible to bear on all of life. And when I say “do this,” they already know why. If nothing else, it’s because Dad said so. But all the time bringing the word of God to bear on life.

So you discuss their lives, you discuss their lives at school, “What are your high points, your low points of the day?” and so on, and bring the Bible to bear on all that they face in life. Talk to them about peer pressure, talk to them about what honors God, what does not honor God, and so on. Again, it’s the nature of Christian teaching that it is all-encompassing, and it takes into its grasp all of life. And so you’re not just talking about the Bible all the time. You’re bringing the Bible to bear all the time on every situation of life. When you watch the news, and if the kids are there with you, interpret it for them and tell them what God says about this issue. If you’re watching a television show and something’s going on in that show that’s wrong, you make sure your children hear from you what’s wrong about it, what God says about it. Otherwise, they could soak it in the wrong way.

My kids had a favorite movie, one of their favorite movies they used to watch over and again on VHS years ago when they were kids. And it involved—it was a good movie, fantastic in many ways. But it involved a girl making a choice against her father’s wishes and the fuddy-duddy old father didn’t know what he’s talking about, she’s got it right, and in the end finally he agrees. And you’re thinking, “Well, it’s a cool movie in many respects, but I don’t want my kids taking that in.” So every time we watch it, I say, “Now you know what’s wrong with this, right?” And to this day, if they talk about that movie, “Yeah, Dad, we know.” Bring the Bible to bear on all of life. Talk about friends, what they do, what they don’t do, what friends do that are wrong; interpret it for them, work the Bible out in all of the decisions that they make on their own level. Help them to see why you make the choices that you make for your own life and so on. Religious instruction must be a continual process and it must be central to all of life.

Number three, religious instruction in the home is a normal means of childhood conversion. This is the example of Timothy that we saw in 2 Timothy 1 and 3. This is the example of Proverbs chapters 1 through 9. Religious instruction in the home is the normal means of childhood conversion. Now, I’m not sure how to determine whether specific professions of faith are made more often in the church building and church services or at home. I’m not sure how to measure all of that. Many a child has come to Dad and Mom at night: “I need to be saved.” Many a child has made that profession of faith after a particular sermon.

My daughter was converted at age, I think it was 14. My daughter is our strong-willed one. She’s like her mother that way. That’s not true at all; she’s like her dad that way. She’s our strong-willed one. She would tell you today that it was a good thing for her that God gave her a dad with a stronger will than her or she’d still be out in the world. Age 14, we’re feeling some of this resistance that you feel with 14-year-olds. Only she knew limits and how not to cross them, but she was our strong-willed one. We were at a family camp where I was speaking. And the other speaker for the week got up to speak and he was addressed specifically to the teenagers. I thought, “Oh good, this is great.” So I’m praying the whole time that he’s preaching, “Lord, open Gina’s heart, open her heart, open her heart.” He starts preaching. And more and more as the sermon went on, I’m thinking, “This just isn’t what she needed.” And he’s talking about kids that are into drugs and he’s talking about the serious rebellion, the deep things that Gina just—she was never allowed to get into. I mean, he’s just not hitting where she is. I’m praying, but I’m thinking this really isn’t where Gina is.

The service was no sooner over. I’m sitting back toward the back. She’s up front here. And she turns around and she makes eye contact with me. You could see tears. She points at me and mouths the words, “I need to see you.” So we went—this was a camp way out in the woods. It was an old church building, an old chapel building, and we went outside around the back in the yard and sat, and she wept her way into the kingdom. God broke her. I don’t know. Maybe it happens more at home, more in the church services like that. I don’t know how to measure those things. But what is overwhelmingly clear is that the influence of the home is massive in bringing a child to Christ. The influence of the home is massive in bringing a child to that point. Now, if you hear anything, hear that. That has happened a thousand times over. Religious instruction in the home is the normal means of childhood conversion.

Let’s look at 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 14. Here Paul is talking about marriage, divorce, remarriage, things like that. The particular issue at hand is a mixed couple, a believer married to an unbeliever, and whether or not she should leave or he should leave, you know, divorce and all of that. And he says in verse 14—he gives an explanation—one reason to stay is “the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife. And the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.” That is, you have the sanctifying influence on the unbelieving spouse. And then he adds, “Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” Now if you’re a Presbyterian, you read this verse and find infant baptism. If you don’t have those glasses on, you don’t see water anywhere near this verse. What Paul is saying very simply is the presence of a believing father and/or mother has a profound sanctifying influence on the child. Now that ought to be massively encouraging to you. This is the normal means of childhood conversion. And so again, Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he’s old he won’t depart from it.” This is the normal means of childhood conversion. The example of Proverbs, the example of Timothy—that ought to be powerfully encouraging to you as well. Your time and attention with the children in the things of God may well be the means that God uses to save them. So give yourself to that happy prospect with every diligence.

Number four, the value and power of scripture must never be underestimated. Or I could say it this way: the value and power of the gospel must never be underestimated. It is incalculable. The dominating influence in your children’s lives, a dominating influence of the scriptures, is just invaluable. This should be a no-brainer with you. Do you know that the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword? You know that. You know that we’re not ashamed of the gospel of Christ because it is the power of God unto salvation. You know that it is through the word of truth that God brings us to life (James 1:18, 1 Peter 1:23).

The Scriptures are the tool, the instrument, the means that God uses in saving. There’s a powerful emphasis in the Scripture that God saves by the Word, yes, but it’s not that mechanical. The Word and the Spirit, yes, the Word and the Spirit, Word and Spirit. You don’t want to sit back and just pray that God will save them. Neither do you want to just give them the Scriptures. You want to give them the Scriptures, continuously praying all the while that God will use us as the means of saving. This is the tool that God uses. This is just a no-brainer. You want your children to be massively influenced by the scriptures. That’s going to determine the kind of church you go to. It’s going to determine how often you go to church, what you attend and don’t attend. It’s going to determine the kinds of family instruction, the continuous nature of it, all of these things. If you really believe what the Bible says about the power of the scriptures, that this is the means God uses to save your children, if you really believe that, then it’ll show in how you teach your children.

Again, this is a mistake that Christian parents have made too often. They too often undervalue the value and power of the word of God. God has told us many times over, this is the chief means of grace. And if that is so, then there ought to be a powerful emphasis in your home on teaching the Bible, talking about the Bible, memorizing the scripture, doing your catechism, whatever. Let me give you an illustration. A lady in our church—not the church where I am now, a former church—she was actually the wife of a deacon, believe it or not. She came up to me with a complaint about the children’s program. We had a Sunday evening children’s program, and part of it involved scripture memory, of course, and she came to me wanting me to talk to the children’s pastor and tell him not to assign memory verses. Her reason: “Our kids are really active in baseball and they just don’t have time to keep up with it all.” I’m sitting there thinking, “You seriously want me to talk to the children’s pastor, tell him not to assign memory verses so your kids can make baseball?” You know, what do you say? I’m sitting there thinking, “All right, I’m sunk on this one. I mean, we’re gonna have a conversation here in the next few seconds that’s gonna get me in trouble.” “Linda, we have choices that we have to make. If you think that baseball is more important for your kids than memorizing scripture, then you do that.” And I got in trouble.

Now I know that’s an extreme example. But how many times have you given way to other things and not encouraged the kids to memorize their Sunday school verse or whatever? If we believe that this is the means that God uses to their salvation, then we will give ourselves with every diligence to exposing them to scripture, exposing them to scripture, cleaning their minds with scripture, with scripture, scripture. This is the means that God uses. Expose your children to the saving influence of scripture. Saturate their minds with scripture because this is the stuff that God uses to save them.

Practical Suggestions for Formal Instruction in the Home

All right, some practical suggestions for formal instruction in the home, formal religious instruction. Call this family worship or whatever.

Number one, keep the Bible primary. I’ve already said that. Keep the Bible primary. Primary in your family devotions ought to be the reading of Scripture, the memorizing of Scripture. If they’re very young, they can memorize parts of Scripture. If they are older, they can memorize strings of Scripture. I went through a time in high school for several years where I memorized up to, and even over sometimes, a dozen verses of Scripture a week. We had a program in our church where there was competition and you get into it and you have to recite it verbatim perfectly without proddings and so on. And for several years, it was up to a dozen or more verses of scripture every week. When I went off to college to study for the ministry, the school that I went to was very heavy on Bible memory. I went through four years of that and I don’t think I ever memorized a new verse. All that had been put away in my mind, all of it. I had to rehearse some of them and get them down again, but not a new verse. And I was talking to one of the professors from school some years later, a former professor of mine, and he said, “Fred, in your generation, when I was teaching then,” he said, “in that generation of children coming from Christian homes, it was routine in my teaching. I would start to quote a verse, and the rest of the class would finish.” He said, “I go weeks without that happening now.” That’s terrible. I mean, I don’t know what else to say. That’s just terrible. That’s a failure on the part of Christian parents, that they’re not exposing their kids to the memorization of scripture. Scripture must be primary. Soak their minds, saturate their minds with scripture. You can’t do better than that.

Number two, use supplementary tools for instruction. And what I mean by supplementary tools are things like Bible storybooks. I had a list of those to bring. I understand that that will be listed on the church blog. Please look at those. There’s some wonderful, wonderful helps out there today for children. There’s a lot of fluff, but there’s a lot of really good stuff. The Bible storybook, the Jesus Storybook Bible, the Big Picture Bible; it gives the whole storyline of the Bible through the story—not just isolated stories, but the big picture of the Bible is explained on children’s level. Catherine Voss’ book, The Child’s Story Bible, is one of the best resources you can ever buy. We went through that with our kids; they loved it so much we used it with them after they’d outgrown it. Things like that. Use these helps. Your children are very young; they’re particularly useful for them. Catechisms are another, and you can talk to Ryan about which of those to use. Memorize their Sunday school verses. Make that part of your family devotions as well. Another thing you can do: memorize hymns. Now pick good ones, solid, substantive ones, and explain them and teach them. Use them as teaching material. What does this hymn say? And all of you memorize it together. Dad, Mom, you memorize it too, and you sing it from memory together or quote it from memory together. Hymns—that’s a good way of teaching, a wonderful way of teaching your children.

Number three, strive for variety. Elements of your family devotional time could include, well, of course, Bible reading; that’s a steady. Related reading: Bible storybooks, Pilgrim’s Progress. You ought to go through Pilgrim’s Progress with your children. Please, go through Pilgrim’s Progress with your children. If they’re young, use the child’s version, Dangerous Journey. I tell the people at our church, if you haven’t read Pilgrim’s Progress, I doubt that you’re a Christian. And they think I’m kidding. I am kidding, but barely. I mean, use Pilgrim’s Progress, wonderful thing. When you see Christian and Faithful in Vanity Fair—”Faithful, be thou faithful unto death”—Faithful being put to death in Vanity Fair. Oh, if you don’t see a picture of the Christian in the world and use it to explain to your children what the Christian in the world is all about, use Pilgrim’s Progress.

Instruction is part of the elements of family devotion. If you feel like you don’t know how to teach well enough, use a catechism; it’s all there for you—questions and answers with Bible verses. Singing could be part of your regular family worship. Any combination of all of these. Prayer, of course, is a steady. Explain to your children why you pray, to whom you pray, what prayer is all about. Teach them intercessory prayer. Pray for the pastor, pray for the church, church leaders, Sunday school teachers. Teach them intercessory prayer. Bible memory is part of your family devotions. Giving of thanks. Sharing spiritual concerns with one another.

Here’s one that is very helpful for you in family worship: talk about the Sunday sermon. Let me just issue a little side warning here. Please, for the sake of your children, please don’t ever go home Sundays griping about the church, griping about the preacher, or anything else. If there are things that are wrong, go find another church. If your children hear you complaining about the sermon, complaining about the preacher, complaining about the church, you’re gonna teach them and you’ll turn them off from the church, you’ll turn them off from Christ. Discuss the sermon: “What did the preacher say? What did the Sunday school teacher say?” Go through it with them; they will never forget that. You spend time every Sunday talking about their Sunday school lesson, talking about the sermon; they will never forget that. Warn your children about peer pressure. Warn your children about spiritual dangers at school. All of that is part of family instruction. Every once in a while, we’d come to the table to eat at dinner, and instead of bowing to pray, I would start off, “God is so good.” Then they join in with me: “God is so good. God is so good. He’s so good to me.” It’s a powerful impact on your kids. Teach them a Godward orientation. Well, enough on that. We can bring that up with questions tomorrow if you’d like.

Number four, don’t make formal instruction burdensome. Don’t make it burdensome. This is a mistake many Christians have made. Family worship, family devotions is a burdensome time for the kids. Don’t do that. Should you do it every day? Well, what does Deuteronomy say? Deuteronomy says all the time, all the time, all the time. Must you have a formal setting every day? I can’t say that you must. I’m afraid to say that though, because then you tend to think it won’t happen. You’re not diligent enough. It should be a regular part of your family experience, a regular part. You would be surprised how much over time you can accomplish and it doesn’t have to be infinitely lengthy, like the preacher is every Sunday, okay? Doesn’t have to be like that every time. You read a little passage of scripture, you talk about it, you pray, move on. Tomorrow night, you read scripture and do something else. Once in a while, you have more lengthy ones, but it’s a regular experience, a regular experience, a regular experience of family life. But don’t make it burdensome.

Public Worship

Just quickly here, some thoughts on public worship. Look at Ephesians 6:4 again, where we started. And here I’m going to tread some thin ice, I think. And I really don’t want to offend anyone, but I do want to challenge you to think on one particular issue. Ephesians 6:1—I’m sorry, verse one—Ephesians 6:1: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment with promise, that it may well go well with you, that you may live long in the land.” To whom are verses one through three addressed? Children, right? It’s not addressed to the parents; it’s addressed to the children.

Now what’s the original setting of this? Paul writes a letter to the church at Ephesus. Can you imagine being in church and the Apostle Paul has a letter? And today, our worship service is, we get to read this letter from the Apostle Paul. And so we read through, we’re getting through. And we get to this part, and Paul addresses the children. What’s the assumption? Children are in the worship service with their parents. Now, I don’t know what your practice is exactly with children’s church, and you may need to have some things because of space considerations and all of that, I understand. But you as parents need to think through this very carefully as to when your child should be here in the service with you. The impact of being in corporate worship is massive. The impact of being in corporate worship with the parents is massive. We believe that corporate worship, the preaching of the word, is the chief means of grace, and it is just fantastically important that your children experience that with their parents as they grow up. If you have a six-year-old or an eight-year-old who’s not able to sit in a service, oh, we need to talk about that tomorrow. But you need to think it through. And I think one huge mistake, huge mistake that Christian parents have made is they send their children to children’s church through age 12, through age 16, and wonder at that point why the kids aren’t interested in church, or why they think it’s irrelevant, or why they think it’s not for them. You need to think that through. Expose your children to this wonderful means of grace.

Closing Suggestions

All right, just some closing suggestions quickly.

Number one, pray. Pray, pray, pray, pray. Ultimately, this is in God’s hands. Pray.

Number two, think. Think. Think like a Christian. Think of what you’re after. Become an expert. Don’t approach this mindlessly, but think and evaluate and assess your children and yourselves. Think.

Number three, I’ve already mentioned, talk to parents who’ve succeeded. Discuss standards. What did you allow your children to do? What do you think is wise with dating? When should they date? Or what about discipline? Or what do you do for family worship? Talk to successful parents and ask those questions. Ask about methods that they use.

Number four, what I’ve already mentioned as well, read the Bible on Christian parenting. Look up all of those verses that have to do with parents and children, parents and children, parents and children, and think them through. Think them through deeply. Parental responsibility, children’s responsibility, responsibility to teach, responsibility of children to listen, learn—repeatedly and thoughtfully read the Bible on Christian parenting.

Let me read you one quote before I close. Samuel Bolton, famous Puritan theologian, on his deathbed called his children to the deathbed where he was dying—they all knew it—and he said to his children this: “I do believe that not one of you will dare to meet me before the tribunal of Christ in an unregenerate state.” You know what you’re after? I want, I want, I want my children to be with me in glory. That’s what I want. I know that lies in God’s hand, but God has appointed means to that end, and one very important one is this matter of religious instruction in the home, and I will give myself to that to the day I die, to that end. That’s what we’re after, and nothing less. Don’t ever lose sight of that. All right, thanks.